IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many heath problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #heath #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The consumption of products which contain a great amount of sugar is hazardous.
However
Linking Words
, some people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that, if the price of these sugar products
rise
Change the verb form
rises
show examples
, it may encourage folks to ignore sugary items. I
Correct your spelling
completely
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree with
this
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
statement
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 these foods and drinks items are not only affecting Health problems
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults but
also
Linking Words
 causing bad habits for children.
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 one hand, consumption
sugary
Change preposition
of sugary
show examples
 items are causing many health problems like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 obesity and Diabetes. In India, the percentage of
diabets
Correct your spelling
diabetes
 patience are rising every day, and the main cause of
this
Linking Words
 disease is sugar products. In Increasing Health problems - Obesity - Diabetes Bad for children ex-
Submitted by vkworkss on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: