IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?

#britain #someone #home #people #nurses #government #care
Population
Add an article
The population
show examples
 of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 has grown higher
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 ever before
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
. I always think that it is between the
government
 and
Correct article usage
the famlly
show examples
famlly
Correct your spelling
family
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the responsibility to take
care
 of the elderly, but
ofcause
Correct your spelling
of course
 mainly should count on the family itself. The
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
 had been working for their own
life
 to achieve the
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
 of their
life
 and to reproduce the next generation. They have
spend
Change the verb form
spent
show examples
 many effort on nourishing their young ones, but when their young
grew
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
 older they
will
Verb problem
form
show examples
formfamily
Correct your spelling
family
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
will
Correct word choice
and will
show examples
 start have their own family but it is always their responsibility to take
care
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
their parent.
Nevertheless
Add a comma
Nevertheless,
show examples
 the old
pepole
Correct your spelling
people
 have
spend
Change the verb form
spent
show examples
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 of their wealth on their children and it should but the part which their children so be
greatful
Correct your spelling
grateful
 for and should pay for
this
care
 if they are not able to take
care
 of the elderly themself.
In addition
 to company or
Government
. If they have good money they can look after themselves. We can do something to make easier their
life
for example
 an organization or a voluntary association,
unions
Correct word choice
or unions
show examples
. Since they have been working for the company and
government
 for ages. The
government
 should provide
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
benefit
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
show examples
 for them.
Government's
Change noun form
Government
show examples
 or their former place could supply them with
life
 insurance and a good Social Security Policy. For all of
them
Add a comma
them,
show examples
life
 is hard and gets harder, in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their old
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
. They expect more attention and
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
life
. So I think it is important for the Britain
government
 and family to provide
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better
care
 for the old people.
Submitted by sin.wai2001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aging population
  • Elderly care
  • Nursing homes
  • Social welfare
  • Intergenerational responsibility
  • Caregiving
  • Financial burden
  • Quality of life
  • Pension funds
  • Healthcare policy
  • Taxation
  • Subsidies
  • Private insurance
  • Long-term care
  • Sustainability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: