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Band 6.5

Nowadays people depend on technology for leisure activities. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #technology #leisure #activities #development
Due to new changes in these years,
people
 have used their leisure
time
 differently compared to the past by using
technology
 more frequently.
Although
 those bring many benefits for
people
, they should be aware when relying too much on
technology
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both sides of
this
 problem. Apparently,
technology
 can bring many advantages for
people
 when they use it in their spare
time
.
Firstly
, it enables
people
 to have many preferences for entertainment
such
 as watching films
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and listening to music which can satisfy them in any situation.
Secondly
, these
also
 offer
people
 to obtain useful skills for their life.
For example
, children can raise their cognitive development through puzzle and racing games, with these, their creativity and driving skills would be improved.
Moreover
, communication games are suitable for introverts since they will have
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
 to talk with
people
 from around the world.
As a result
, they can be more confident when having conversations in person.
Although
 several benefits have been mentioned, there are certain drawbacks which should be taken into consideration.
Initially
, the addiction of
people
,
for instance
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will have excessive screen
time
 and let
time
 fly without any notice which leads to delayed work.
In addition
, when some children insist on playing games, they can have bad
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 toward their parents when they take electronic gadgets away. Another disadvantage is having physical problems which are resulted from spending too much
time
 on
technology
. Sometimes
people
 will skip their meals and become couch potatoes,
this
 action causes some
sickness
Fix the agreement mistake
sicknesses
show examples
such
 as digestive
disorder
Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
show examples
 or
stomachache
Fix the agreement mistake
stomachaches
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
 technological devices do have some merits that can satisfy
people
's demands, there are some demerits which should be considered carefully.
Submitted by nguyenminhman21691 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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