IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The problem with society today is that it is essentially unbalanced, with some people being paid huge salaries to work very long hours, whilst others do not have a job and have too much time on their hands. There is no middle ground. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is a well-known
face
Correct your spelling
fact
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 that the fundamental complication in community, precisely, which is on the one hand,
the
Correct determiner usage
that
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 some
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 of individuals are sedulously hard-working and being paid large wages to motivate them to be active extensive hours. Meanwhile, other people are without
work
Use synonyms
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
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 with too much amount of time on their hands. Personally, I strongly advocate the former view, since
high
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a high
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 percentage of joblessness can extremely damage the
governments
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government
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 both
economic
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economy
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 and structure, and boost the statistics data of suicide
level
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levels
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 amongst specialists. In the following paragraph,
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
the
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apply
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both complex reasons with the
assist
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assistance
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 of examples from Harvard
Universityresearch
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University research
 to detail points and prove arguments. First of all, the extremely high amount of
no
Rephrase
apply
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workers can negatively influence
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both economics and society’s life
condition
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conditions
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.
Consequently
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, the
overall
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 country could be financially bankrupt and stay with poor GDP.
Moreover
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, those fundamental issues may lead to other fatal problems
such
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 as high crime
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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, poverty and others. The recent research of Harvard University could illustrate a great example. To be more precise, in Ecuador
the
Correct article usage
apply
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70
percent
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per cent
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 of
population’s
Correct article usage
the population’s
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 no workers was the main reason
of
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for
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 various deathful economic
crisis
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crises
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.
Furthermore
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,
besides
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 of negative influence of
unemployed
Correct article usage
the unemployed
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 population on
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
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 condition
Rephrase
apply
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additionally
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, it can
also
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 directly
work
Use synonyms
 upon on quantities of suicide accidents of specialists. It is readily apparent that the longer the
work
Use synonyms
 hours, the higher
chances
Correct article usage
the chances
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 of suicidal accidents amongst
hard-workers
Correct your spelling
hard workers
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.
Moreover
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, the unemployed individuals are putting
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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loads and loads of
work
Use synonyms
 and obligation on
worker’s
Fix the agreement mistake
workers’
show examples
 shoulder since they
areabsolutely
Correct your spelling
are absolutely
 does not influence any kind of profit.
For example
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. In Kazakhstan,
decade
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a decade
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 ago, the total sum of workers
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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significantly dropped from
million
Correct article usage
a million
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 to 950000. Most of them could not stand their
work
Use synonyms
 commitments because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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employers
Change preposition
of employers
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.
To conclude
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, the essential unbalance of
work
Use synonyms
 commitments amongst
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 could alter
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other significant issues. Unfortunately,
without
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apply
show examples
taking any measures against
this
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 problem may lead to fatal consequences
such
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 as
collapse
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the collapse
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 of
country
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the country
a country
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.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure. The ideas are not well-organized and do not flow cohesively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but they lack clarity and coherence. The main points are not well-supported.
task achievement
The response does not fully address the task. The ideas are not comprehensive and lack clarity.
task achievement
The examples provided are not relevant and do not effectively support the main points.
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