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Band 4

The problem with society today is that it is essentially unbalanced, with some people being paid huge salaries to work very long hours, whilst others do not have a job and have too much time on their hands. There is no middle ground. Do you agree or disagree?

#society #people #salaries #work #hours #whilst #job #time #hands #middle #ground
It is a well-known
face
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fact
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 that the fundamental complication in community, precisely, which is on the one hand,
the
Correct determiner usage
that
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 some
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 of individuals are sedulously hard-working and being paid large wages to motivate them to be active extensive hours. Meanwhile, other people are without
work
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 with too much amount of time on their hands. Personally, I strongly advocate the former view, since
high
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a high
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 percentage of joblessness can extremely damage the
governments
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government
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 both
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 and structure, and boost the statistics data of suicide
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 amongst specialists. In the following paragraph,
this
 essay will discuss
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both complex reasons with the
assist
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assistance
show examples
 of examples from Harvard
Universityresearch
Correct your spelling
University research
 to detail points and prove arguments. First of all, the extremely high amount of
no
Rephrase
apply
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workers can negatively influence
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both economics and society’s life
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
Consequently
, the
overall
 country could be financially bankrupt and stay with poor GDP.
Moreover
, those fundamental issues may lead to other fatal problems
such
 as high crime
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
, poverty and others. The recent research of Harvard University could illustrate a great example. To be more precise, in Ecuador
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
70
percent
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per cent
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 of
population’s
Correct article usage
the population’s
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 no workers was the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 various deathful economic
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
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.
Furthermore
,
besides
 of negative influence of
unemployed
Correct article usage
the unemployed
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 population on
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
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 condition
Rephrase
apply
show examples
additionally
, it can
also
 directly
work
 upon on quantities of suicide accidents of specialists. It is readily apparent that the longer the
work
 hours, the higher
chances
Correct article usage
the chances
show examples
 of suicidal accidents amongst
hard-workers
Correct your spelling
hard workers
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.
Moreover
, the unemployed individuals are putting
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
loads and loads of
work
 and obligation on
worker’s
Fix the agreement mistake
workers’
show examples
 shoulder since they
areabsolutely
Correct your spelling
are absolutely
 does not influence any kind of profit.
For example
. In Kazakhstan,
decade
Add an article
a decade
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 ago, the total sum of workers
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
significantly dropped from
million
Correct article usage
a million
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 to 950000. Most of them could not stand their
work
 commitments because of
lack
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a lack
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employers
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of employers
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.
To conclude
, the essential unbalance of
work
 commitments amongst
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 could alter
on
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apply
show examples
other significant issues. Unfortunately,
without
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apply
show examples
taking any measures against
this
 problem may lead to fatal consequences
such
 as
collapse
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the collapse
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 of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
.
Submitted by argyn-34 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure. The ideas are not well-organized and do not flow cohesively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but they lack clarity and coherence. The main points are not well-supported.
task achievement
The response does not fully address the task. The ideas are not comprehensive and lack clarity.
task achievement
The examples provided are not relevant and do not effectively support the main points.

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