IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some countries people are forced to retire when they reach a certain age. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

#countries #people #age
In
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 areas,old
people
 are obligated to stop working and
this
 problem
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 a lot of conflicts.According to my point of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
,
although
this
 issue has some drawbacks the advantages are more significant On the one hand,retirement soon has some disadvantages.
Firstly
,there is a handicap for
people
 who do not want to stop working and they have many reasons.As the matter of fact,they want to continue their career because they have to pay
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
lot
Add the preposition
oflot
show examples
 basic needs.
For example
,they must disburse for
electric
Add an article
the electric
an electric
show examples
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
show examples
,
tuition
Correct word choice
and tuition
show examples
 of their children.
In addition
,
people
 who have
unlucky
Add an article
an unlucky
show examples
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
want to spend
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 main part of their life making money to improve their circumstances.
Secondly
,
people
 who are very passionate
with
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their job and they want to become successful in their domain.
For example
,Donald Trump who is the former president of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 finished his term of office at the age of 74.
On the other hand
,
this
 issue
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a lot of advantages.
First
 of all,it is very beneficial for old
people
’s health.When they retire,they no longer have work depression,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will reduce the big number of stress.
In addition
,they can
also
 let their hair down with their hobbies which they do not have enough time to do when they are working.
For instance
 , they are able to play chess with others in their
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
, they can spend their time taking care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their kids
such
 as talking about their real-life experiences
then
 the relationship between them and their children may become closer.
Moreover
,the most important benefit of
this
 issue is creating more job opportunities for young
people
.In fact,the skills and experience of
people
 who already enter adulthood are not as great as old
people
 so if they retire soon,young
people
 will have more
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
 to receive well-paid jobs. In conclusion,early retirement is a beneficial problem so its advantages outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by nguyenthuytien1609 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: