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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#graphs #show #enrolments #students #australian #universities #ten #year #period #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The two line charts
depicts
Change the verb form
depict
show examples
 the number of
enrolments
 in Australian Universities between 2001 and 2010 inclusive
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 overseas and local
students
. Each
charts
Change to a singular noun
chart
show examples
 holds two separate
data
Correct quantifier usage
pieces of data
show examples
 which
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
show examples
 the total
students
Correct quantifier usage
number of students
show examples
 enrolled and how many of them are commencing.
Overall
, the total enrolment of local
students
remain
Change the verb form
remains
show examples
 far high than that of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overseas.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
 the student count in
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
students
 chart starts from 100000
whereas
 for overseas starting at zero. The total
enrolments
 by both local and overseas applicants remained
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a positive slope with some scant fluctuations
inbetween
Correct your spelling
in between
in-between
. The total
enrolments
 by the non-local
students
 reached
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 peak in 2010 and it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
numbered little more than 800000 ,
while
 for local
students
 it was almost 600000 and remained somewhat constant from 2007 to 2010. Overseas
enrolments
 faced a minor dip in 2003 and
then
 recovered from 2004. The lowest recorded total enrolment by non-overseas applicants was around 40000 in 2001. The commencing numbers were increasing gradually in case of overseas applicants over the ten year period starting from around 100000 in 2001 and reaching closer to 420000 in 2010. But the commencing numbers of locals saw considerable fluctuations between 2001 and 2010 and the highest number of commencing recorded for the non-overseas
students
 was
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 230000 .
Submitted by naveindhawan on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words enrolments, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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