IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think it is more important to provide parks and sports facilities than to provide shopping centers in these new town for people to spend their free time. To what extent doo you agree or disagree?

#people #parks #sports #facilities #centers #town #time #doo
Being healthy is
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
essential to
Correct article usage
an individual
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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,
a
Correct word choice
but a
show examples
few
number
Change to a plural noun
numbers
show examples
 of people are of the notion that providing parks and game
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 is
important
Correct quantifier usage
more important
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 than
to provide
Change the verb form
providing
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 a shopping mall. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will be of the opinion that creating parks and
sports
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
 is more
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
important.
Firstly
,
Correct your spelling
outdoor
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out door
Correct your spelling
outdoor
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 recreation is very essential to both young and elderly
this
 helps to stretch their muscles and ligaments after their weekly activities.
Also
 creating of park and game
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 helps to eradicate frustration from work , bully from co-workers , and
also
 it gets the body soul and mind together,
further more
Correct your spelling
furthermore
show examples
sports
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 gives room for physical fitness of physical
health
 and mental state of an individual and
also
 it helps to prevent a sedimentary
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 ,
for instance
 after
a weekly activities
Correct the article-noun agreement
weekly activities
a weekly activity
show examples
 from work and school and much intake of different food one need to exercise their body in other to burn off excess calories in the body thereby avoiding
further
health
 damages that will result from
have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 in a sedimentary
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
. Again,
provision
Correct article usage
the provision
show examples
 of parks and
sports
 recreation
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
 will
further
 promote one on one communication with families and loved ones , making
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new friends and
also
 fight against isolation .
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 it will be of advantage to younger ones who have talent
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some certain games
such
 as football, running , volleyball, basketball and much more. It will enhance the practice of
sports
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 for competition
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
.
On the other hand
, providing
shopping
Correct article usage
a shopping
show examples
mall
Fix the agreement mistake
malls
show examples
 will enhance the economy and create job opportunities for several individuals , and more so people can get varieties of stock for their consumption. In conclusion, despite the job opportunities and
improving
Replace the word
improvement
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of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
economy
Add an article
the economy
an economy
show examples
 which can be of value to the society and country at large , it will be good for us to embrace the benefit of park and game
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
towards
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our
health
 especially our physical
health
, mental and social status
Submitted by adaobihedioha12 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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