IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Write about the following topic: These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #people #move #area #adults #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Advancement in society and globally has taken turns in many individual's
life
Use synonyms
. Development has enhanced the
movement
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 from the locality where they were birthed and trained to different cities and it has given lots of advantages to a few numbers of individuals.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the pros and cons, and
also
Linking Words
 I am of the notion that the advantage outweighs more.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a lot of things has made
individual
Add an article
the individual
an individual
show examples
 move to a new city outside their trained environment ,especially in their adult stage. Examples include looking for a white cola job which has helped them to meet new
people
Use synonyms
 from different ethnic groups and religions ,
also
Linking Words
 it helps to learn different languages which
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
show examples
 communication.
Also
Linking Words
 ,
Use synonyms
movement
Correct article usage
the movement
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 outside their locality helps them to explore new ideas ,
Correct word choice
and learning
show examples
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 different skills at
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
also
Linking Words
 helps to get a better job . Change of environment matters in
life
Use synonyms
 , it
also
Linking Words
 gives you confidence on how to associate with
people
Use synonyms
 from different diversities of
life
Use synonyms
. For ,examples
one
Use synonyms
 can move out from their parents' watch and handle certain things on their own without the supervision from their elders , it
also
Linking Words
 builds
one
Use synonyms
's self-esteem in the sense that
one
Use synonyms
 can deal with pressure either from friends or work by providing
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
coping strategies.
Consequently
Linking Words
, It will
further
Linking Words
 help
one
Use synonyms
 to know the value of spending money ,
for example
Linking Words
 when
one
Use synonyms
 goes out of their parents' comfort zone he works hard to make money in other to feed himself and make some live savings for investment.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
movement
Correct article usage
the movement
show examples
 of individuals helps in the exchange of business ideas , food and culture . Tourism enhances the proper development of exposures , which
also
Linking Words
 improves knowledge . Again, it improves
people
Use synonyms
's businesses through buying and selling thereby enhancing the economy. It helps in infrastructural development in the local areas.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , the disadvantage is that it limits
one
Use synonyms
's knowledge, it creates a barrier to associating with other individuals from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different ethnic
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
show examples
. In conclusion , the
movement
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 from
one
Use synonyms
 place to another exposes them to the good , the bad and the ugly side of
life
Use synonyms
. Its disadvantage will be of
harmful
Replace the word
harm
show examples
 than good to society and individual mental health.
Submitted by adaobihedioha12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: