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Band 4.5

Write about the following topic: These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #people #move #area #adults #development
Advancement in society and globally has taken turns in many individual's
life
. Development has enhanced the
movement
 of
people
 from the locality where they were birthed and trained to different cities and it has given lots of advantages to a few numbers of individuals.
This
 essay will discuss the pros and cons, and
also
 I am of the notion that the advantage outweighs more.
Firstly
, a lot of things has made
individual
Add an article
the individual
an individual
show examples
 move to a new city outside their trained environment ,especially in their adult stage. Examples include looking for a white cola job which has helped them to meet new
people
 from different ethnic groups and religions ,
also
 it helps to learn different languages which
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
show examples
 communication.
Also
 ,
movement
Correct article usage
the movement
show examples
 of
people
 outside their locality helps them to explore new ideas ,
Correct word choice
and learning
show examples
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 different skills at
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
also
 helps to get a better job . Change of environment matters in
life
 , it
also
 gives you confidence on how to associate with
people
 from different diversities of
life
. For ,examples
one
 can move out from their parents' watch and handle certain things on their own without the supervision from their elders , it
also
 builds
one
's self-esteem in the sense that
one
 can deal with pressure either from friends or work by providing
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
coping strategies.
Consequently
, It will
further
 help
one
 to know the value of spending money ,
for example
 when
one
 goes out of their parents' comfort zone he works hard to make money in other to feed himself and make some live savings for investment.
Furthermore
,
movement
Correct article usage
the movement
show examples
 of individuals helps in the exchange of business ideas , food and culture . Tourism enhances the proper development of exposures , which
also
 improves knowledge . Again, it improves
people
's businesses through buying and selling thereby enhancing the economy. It helps in infrastructural development in the local areas.
On the other hand
 , the disadvantage is that it limits
one
's knowledge, it creates a barrier to associating with other individuals from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different ethnic
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
show examples
. In conclusion , the
movement
 of
people
 from
one
 place to another exposes them to the good , the bad and the ugly side of
life
. Its disadvantage will be of
harmful
Replace the word
harm
show examples
 than good to society and individual mental health.
Submitted by adaobihedioha12 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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