IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think it is more important to provide parks and sports facilities than to provide shopping centers in these new town for people to spend their free time. To what extent doo you agree or disagree?

#people #parks #sports #facilities #centers #town #time #doo
A few
numbers
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number
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 of individual works towards being fit and
maintaing
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maintaining
maintain
high
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a high
show examples
 level of good health both
phyically
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physically
 and mentally. In
this
,
eassy
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essay
easy
 some groups
says
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say
show examples
 that provisions of parks and
game
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 is of importance than creating a shopping
mall
.
This
eassy
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essay
easy
 is of the notion that providing parks and
game
centers
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centres
show examples
 is of a better benefit.
Firstly
, several individuals
enagage
Correct your spelling
engage
engaged
 more of their time at work in other to meet up with ends needs,
this
 goes
further
 in affecting their health status in nearest future. creating a park and
game
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 provides efficient room for
one
 on
one
 communication with families and loved ones and
also
create
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creates
show examples
 space
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 meeting new friends.
Also
,
game
centers
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centres
show examples
gives
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give
show examples
Correct your spelling
opportunity
Correct article usage
the oppourtunity
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oppourtunity
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opportunity
for
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apply
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to practice
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physical
physcial
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physical
 exercise which
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strengthens
strenghtens
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strengthens
 the muscles,
ligament
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and ligament
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 ,
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and keeps
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keeps
Wrong verb form
keeping
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 the body, soul and spirit together, especially for the elderly.
furthermore
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,furthermore
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 it prevents
one
 from living a sedimentary lifestyle which has
a negative effects
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a negative effect
negative effects
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 on health.
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furthermore
futhermore
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Furthermore
, recreational
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
enlightening
Wrong verb form
enlighten
show examples
 the younger ones on the importance of keeping their mental state in alertness.
also
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,also
show examples
 it creates room for young
one's
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ones
show examples
 to identify their interest in
different
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a different
the different
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 form of sports
such
 as football, volleyball, basketball, and so much more.. it
also
help
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helps
show examples
 in
practicing
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practising
show examples
 for
sport
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sports
show examples
 competition as
case
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the case
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 may be.
On the other hand
,
shopping
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the shopping
show examples
mall
 has
its'
Correct pronoun usage
their'
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 own benefits
Add the comma(s)
, for instance,
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for instance
 it helps the
economy
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economic
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 status of the society and
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 at large to improve as long as people step into the
mall
 to buy things of different stock products but notwithstanding
this
 can be done
throughh
Correct your spelling
through
 online shopping. In conclusion, notwithstanding that shopping
mall
 improves our economic status , sports
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 is much beneficial in the aspect of healthy and
prolong
Wrong verb form
prolonged
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 life.
creating
Replace the word
creation
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
parks and
game
 facilities
enhances
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhance
show examples
 the soul ad body together.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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