IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

International community should act immediately to encourage countries to reduce the consumption of fossil fuels, such as oil and gas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#community #act #countries #consumption #fuels #oil #gas
Some people argue that It is urgent for
international
Add an article
the international
show examples
community
 to take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
 in order to motivate countries to reduce their usage of
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
resources
, especially
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fossil
fuels
. I agree with
this
 argument and will develop my standpoints in
this
 essay.
International
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The international
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community
 needs to take on quick
actions
 to prevent the world from
political
Add an article
a political
the political
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 disturbance in the pursuit of fossil
fuels
. Each country has different levels of fossil
fuels
 in stock due to geographic
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
. Because of the imbalanced distribution of
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
resources
, some countries with poor
resources
 will initiate wars against those with rich reservoirs in order to make use of them.
Such
 wars will lead to miserable lives for local civilians, which must be stopped. To achieve
this
 goal,
international
Add an article
the international
show examples
community
 can promote alternative
resources
,
such
 as polar
resources
, to these countries to reduce their demand for fossil
fuels
, achieving peace between nations.
Furthermore
, the
immediately
Change the adverb
immediate
show examples
 engagement of
international
Correct article usage
the international
show examples
community
 can have a significant impact on environmental protection. The
fossils
Change the noun form
fossil
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fuels
,
such
 as oil and gas, can produce a massive amount of carbon dioxides, which
consequently
 leads to more frequent
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
 disasters due to global warming. Before humans can find another
nature
 habitat for living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outer space, we need to work together to protect
earth
Add an article
the earth
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, which is the primary location for us to reside in. With the capability to coordinate affairs internationally, the international
community
 should treat sustainability as one of its top priorities, by taking urgent
actions
 to promote new innovative technologies
such
 as electric vehicles to replace the traditional vehicles which are the major causes
for
Change preposition
of
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 excessive consumption of fossil
fuels
.
Although
 there are certainly some people who think every country should work independently on reducing their dependency on fossil
fuels
, it is very challenging as governments may not have a consistent policy or plan since every political party has a different interest in
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
resources
.
Hence
,
International
Correct article usage
the International
show examples
community
, with its urgent
actions
, probably is the
last
 resort that we can
Correct your spelling
rely
show examples
reply
Correct your spelling
rely
show examples
 on to make our lives safe and sustainable.
Submitted by rony_yu on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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