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Band 5

For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to draw people’s attention to art?

#time #art #part #cultures #world #people’s #values #science #technology #business #arts #attention
What probably has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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changed in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Correct your spelling
recent
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resent
Correct your spelling
recent
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 years is changing people's tend from
art
 to science, business and technology. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 by changing the ways of earning
money
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 of people has recently been changed and more profitable occupation asked from individuals,
therefore
, being profited can
makes
Change the verb form
make
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art
 more and more
attracted
Replace the word
attractive
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. The main cause might be that,
in contrast
 to past kind of earning
money
 has been changed, most of
people
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the people
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 for earning
money
 had to learn a kind of handy crafts,
for
example
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,example
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 majority of equipment
especially at
Add the comma(s)
, especially at house,
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house
Add an article
the house
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 was made by hand
an
Change the article
a
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 consider as
occupation
Add an article
an occupation
the occupation
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 for making living whereas nowadays for earning
money
 there is
Add an article
a
show examples
more profitable choice. Put it
simple
Change the adjective
simply
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, by
run
Wrong verb form
running
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 a factory which has the cutting edge of technology and latest science we can have superior profit. A possible solution for changing
this
 approach could be making
art
 more profitable. In more
detail
Add a comma
,detail
show examples
 government can allocate some positive
point
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points
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 to courage
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 to select
art
 as a suitable major not only for having affluent
life
 but for expressing themselves to the world.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 after paying a sizable number
Change preposition
of loan
show examples
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals to establish the institute of
art
 in Iran the number of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 places has
increase
Change the verb form
increased
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 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 since 5 years ago. In conclusion in a faster pace
life
Add a comma
,life
show examples
 some part of
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 has been changed and the attraction toward
art
 is not as much as some kind of skills like business, science and technology
hence
 by allowing some financial help to the artists we could attract more applicants.
Submitted by shokoohghavami on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • STEM fields (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics)
  • evolve
  • technological advancements
  • overshadowing
  • financial pressures
  • practical careers
  • digital entertainment
  • accessible
  • integrated
  • curricula
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • public art projects
  • engage
  • interactive
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