Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Since obesity has risen among adults and children, many people
has
Change the verb form
have

The singular verb has does not appear to agree with the plural subject people. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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raised their concern about the highly used
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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sugar.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some people claim that sugary
products
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should raise their
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices

It seems that price may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in order to reduce consumption.
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

However
Add a comma
,However

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase However. Consider adding a comma.

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I partly
disgaree
Correct your spelling
disagree

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with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

view as I think education may be more effective.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with, the intention of purchasing sweetness may reduce if making sugar
products
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

more
Add a missing verb
are more

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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expensive. Since
suger
Correct your spelling
sugar

If you don’t want suger to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

is a fundamental material for many foods and drinks, firms may have to increase their prices in order to maintain profit.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
price
Correct article usage
the price

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of each cake may increase
for
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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£2 owing to the high cost of raw
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials

It seems that material may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
Add an article
the consumer
a consumer
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Add an article
the consumer
a consumer

The noun phrase consumer seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
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may be less willing to spend their money on sweetness which may lower the chances of getting health problems.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, educating the public may solve the roots of the issue. As certain citizens may not understand the undesirable effects
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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brought by injecting too much
suger
Correct your spelling
sugar

If you don’t want suger to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

, providing
an
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, an, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun access in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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access
of
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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correct knowledge may encourage them to change their
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits

It seems that habit may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, people may force themselves to consume less sugar once they know that heart attack is related to obesity.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, by giving them the knowledge, the public may choose not to take high-
suger
Correct your spelling
sugar

If you don’t want suger to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

products
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

even if they are rich. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

rasing
Correct your spelling
raising

The word rasing doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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the price may reduce the intention of buying
Correct your spelling
surgery
sugary
Correct your spelling
surgery
sugary

If you don’t want sugery to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

sugery
Correct your spelling
surgery
products
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, it may not be effective
to
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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those who are wealthy.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, educating the citizens may be more beneficial since it can change
the
Change the word
their

The word the may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

show examples
habits.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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