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Band 4.5

Some group of people believe that youth people like student should work for community for free and they shouldn’t earn money from their job.

#group #people #youth #student #work #community #shouldn’t #money #job
Some group of
people
 believe that
youth
people
 like students should
work
 for the
community
 for free and they shouldn’t earn
money
 from their job because they think it has advantages for both
community
 and themselves and I completely agree with
this
 group because
youth
people
 only on that age can
work
 for the
community
 and after the adolescent period and after graduating they do not have free time as they have now, and in my ,opinion everyone should do unpaid
community
 job because they can learn something that can help them in their life .
First
 of all,
youth
people
 only can gain real-world experience from
community
 service which is good for the
next
 paid job. You can add these works to your career and cv so employers
hires
Change the verb form
hire
show examples
 easier than those who have not done
community
 jobs. More importantly, these communities teach you some useful skills. Like problem-solving, time management is necessary before adults'
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 start.
For example
, the employee
whom
Change the pronoun
who
show examples
learned these skills
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 surely has a pleasant boss.
Besides
, there are some
people
 which need
money
 for studying or living. We should not expect them to
work
 free because they need
money
 to have a good life.
For instance
, a student who needs
money
 to pay his tuition to university. so, there is some exception. In conclusion,
community
 services have numerous advantages that
youth
people
 should benefit
.
Change preposition
from.
show examples
 But
also
 we should consider some specific cases in which they can not
work
 for free.
Submitted by ario1381 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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