IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is the responsibility of individuals to save and provide for their own retirement. Governments have no obligation to provide this benefit. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Aftermath
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The aftermath
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 of the industrial
revulation
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revolution
 humankind achieved progressing numerous aspects of
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technology
tecnology
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technology
such
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 as
aircrafts
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aircraft
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, cars, mobiles, and
internet
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the internet
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.
However
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,
this
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 kind of improvement caused colossal devastation
on
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to
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 nature and
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animals
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the animals
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 which lives there. Nowadays, governments and non-
govermental
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governmental
 organizations have been spending
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a lot
alot
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a lot
 of money
for
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on
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 saving these living beings, whereas some people are thinking that any expense for
animals
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 is wasting public and individual resources. I completely disagree
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this
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with this
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 idea owing to two main reasons.
First
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 of all, humanity all of the historical process benefited from various means which involves streams, forests, natural sources like coal, and
finally
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animals
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. To illustrate, mankind
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along with
alongwith
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along with
 using
horse
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horses
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 could transfer from a place to
other land
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another land
other lands
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where
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were
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 wanted to reach, labourless than before.
Moreover
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, horses were one of the most important
wepons
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weapons
 that kingdoms used for enlarged their borders.
In addition
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, from the
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beginning
begining
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beginning
 of history animal products have been seen
an
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as an
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 essential nutrition source by humanity and have
being
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been
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 consuming for a
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healthy
healty
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healthy
 life.
Therefore
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,
protection
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the protection
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 of habitats is a moral obligation for today’s human
being
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beings
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.
Second
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 of all, there is an equilibrium in nature
which
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apply
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based on
quantity
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the quantity
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 of species.
This
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 balance plays
important
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an important
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 role
on
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in
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natural
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the natural
a natural
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area
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areas
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 as well
human
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as human
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 life.
For instance
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, if snakes
extincted
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extinct
,
number
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the number
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 of mice would increase all around the World. As well known reality is that the mouse can contaminate diverse
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diseases
disease
disases
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diseases
 among
the
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apply
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people.
Hence
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, mankind must struggle to defend nature for
own
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its own
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 future. To conclude,
cost
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the cost
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 of
protection
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protecting
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animals
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 and their
habitant
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habitat
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 is not
waste
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a waste
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money
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of money
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, due to sustainable life for people and
debt
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the debt
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 of humankind to
animals
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.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement savings
  • financial planning
  • economic circumstances
  • government provision
  • basic state pension
  • financial independence
  • income disparities
  • aging populations
  • social safety net
  • tax burden
  • financial education
  • quality of life
  • personal financial responsibility
  • social inequality
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