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Band 3

There are an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some people say that the best way would be to use death penalty as a deterrant, many people say that other measures will be needed.Discuss both views.

#crimes #year #people #death #penalty #measures
As we all know the weight of
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
differ
Change the verb form
differs
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 according to its' nature so is the penalty. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I will write out measures which can be used to punish the offenders.
Firstly
 , let me go by using an example, in a case one steals a wristwatch from a vendor's store and someone
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
committed murder. The weight of the punishment for both will differ.
Also
 , one who steals can be sanctioned by paying
fine
Correct article usage
a fine
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 and with
this
 government can raise
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 for the community revenue through
this
 means. Again, for the
murderer
Add a comma
,murderer
show examples
 he has to be reprimanded by the police while
proper
Correct article usage
a proper
show examples
 investigation will be carried out to know the charges to be issued out for
such
offence
Correct article usage
an offence
show examples
 committed.
In addition
, measures like community service could
be use
Change the verb form
be used
show examples
 to punish the offenders
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 example,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 will map out an order stating that if anyone is found stealing
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
punishment will be, to delegate a hard labour job
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 him or her like sweeping the community , gathering of waste products. Again, anybody that goes against
this
 law will be mandated to pay
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the person affected like stealing of phone , the offender will pay the owner double
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the product's worth. With
this
, people will be scared to commit crimes when
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 remember the stress they will pass through and
also
 the fine to be paid.
Submitted by adaobihedioha12 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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