IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Young people committing crimes should be treated the same as adults by the authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults #authorities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are reformers today who argue that adults and young
people
Use synonyms
 should be treated equally under the law. In my opinion, despite the ostensible fairness of
this
Linking Words
 proposal, it disregards crucial psychological differences. Those who believe all ages should receive equal treatment, point out that
this
Linking Words
 will engender a greater deterring effect. The main reason that all individuals in society are punished is not for justice alone, but as a means to ensure others will not commit similar crimes. Young
people
Use synonyms
 learn in school and the world generally that their actions will have consequences and that crimes are punishable with prison time and other penalties. If these censures are weakened,
then
Linking Words
 the chances a young person will attempt to commit a crime will logically increase, even if the total number of young
people
Use synonyms
 engaging in criminal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 today is lower than at any point in human history.
However
Linking Words
, age is a just mitigating factor. Adults who commit crimes have had more time to develop socially and intellectually while young
people
Use synonyms
 might not fully grasp the consequences of their choices for themselves and others.
For instance
Linking Words
, there have been recent cases where young
people
Use synonyms
 were influenced by extremist elements now pervasive in social media. Young
people
Use synonyms
 are more impressionable in these situations and often lack the confidence and maturity to think for themselves.
This
Linking Words
 vulnerability extends to their emotional and intellectual development and justifies laws that protect young
people
Use synonyms
 from receiving overly harsh sentences.
Submitted by itsayaulym on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: