Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. What extent do you agree or desagree with statement!

#people #activities #children’s #development #computer #games #desagree

some

group

Fix the agreement mistake

groups

show examples

of people believe that outdoor

activities

which are more physically have more advantages. From my point of view, I totally agree with

this

group because I think whatever can improve our physical abilities, can make our brain better and it is much better than playing video

games

. To start with, computer

games

have many advantages like, they can make our reaction faster and

also

they cause being good at solving problems. whereas

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

not only you can have

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

advantages with outdoor

activities

, but

also

you can prevent

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the illness which comes from being over-weight.

for instance

, children who play as

Add an article

an athlete

show examples

athlete

Fix the agreement mistake

athletes

show examples

team-sport

Correct your spelling

team sport

show examples

have both benefits of computer

games

and outdoor

activities

Remove the article

apply

show examples

short swimming in the pool. more importantly, outdoor

activities

its

Replace the word

it's

it is

show examples

not just about sport. every parent should try to develop the social abilities of their children.

also

,outdoor

activities

teach children

nermous

Correct your spelling

nervous

of helpful life skills .

Although

computer

games

helps

Change the verb form

help

show examples

, having communication with your mates is the best way to make your child a social person.

for example

, shopping with your friends, going to the park or swimming pool or even solving puzzles are more efficient than just sitting and playing video

games

which

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

may harm your body and have

a long-term disorders

Correct the article-noun agreement

a long-term disorder

long-term disorders

show examples

. to sum up, I totally agree with those people

believe

Correct pronoun usage

who believe

show examples

outdoor

activities

are more efficient than video

games

because of the disadvantages that I mentioned.

Submitted by ario1381 on Tue Jul 26 2022

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

236 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. What extent do you agree or desagree with statement!

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people feel that children should be able to choose the subjects they are interested in; while others feel they should study the basic require subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many customs and traditional ways of behavior are no longer relevant to the modern life and not worth keeping. Do you agree or disagree?

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?