IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Doctors, nurses and teacher make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sport celebrities. Do you agree or disagree?

#doctors #nurses #teacher #contribution #society #entertainment #sport #celebrities
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Education and
health
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 are the most essential factors in
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today's
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 world because of the
distributions
Fix the agreement mistake
distribution
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 of technology and
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diseases
deaseases
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diseases
. I strongly agree with the theory of replacing the salary amount of doctors, nurses and
teachers
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 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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celebrities in other firms.
Generaly
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Generally
General
, in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 few years, everybody
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realized
relized
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realised
 the importance of
health
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services
Use synonyms
, especially, when almost 219 countries went on a
qurantine
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quarantine
quarantined
.
teachers
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also
Linking Words
 were responsible for the education of students to be aware of
Add an article
a pandemic
the pandemic
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pandemic
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pandemics
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.
Health
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services
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, and
teachers
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 have to
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work
Add the preposition
forwork
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indiviuall
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individually
individual
 and
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in group
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group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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. There are different materials in their
work
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 which make their
work
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 so
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sensitive
sensetive
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sensitive
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, what
teachers
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 have to build is the base of the building, which
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
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 to
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 level and
Linking Words
finally
Add a comma
,finally
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 the full building which
represent
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represents
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 the society
is stands
Change the verb form
is standing
show examples
 on what they learned. Even though
,
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apply
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casual celebrities, singers, actors and etc, are talented people and famous,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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what they do is not an essential
things
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thing
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 that lack of it, might make issues in society. They help the culture,
history
Correct word choice
and history
show examples
 and amuse people, but what
health
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services
Use synonyms
 do cannot compare to them. To sum up,
health
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services
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
teachers
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 have to get paid more than every other occupation in countries because they
work
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 for our lives and sometimes they ruined their life for us, but
unfortunalty
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unfortunately
nowasyas
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nowadays
 nobody
cant
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can
show examples
 price an
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achievement
achivement
Correct your spelling
achievement
.
Submitted by matinghasemi3s on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • critical role
  • healthcare professionals
  • societal well-being
  • disparity in income
  • skewed values
  • essential services
  • remuneration
  • mitigate
  • global shortages
  • inherent value
  • nurturing
  • compensation
  • societal contributions
  • profound impact
  • equitable distribution
What to do next:
Look at other essays: