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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
People
 need to
charge
 whenever they enter the
museums
 while there are some
museums
 which are not essential to
charge
. To my way of thinking , the benefits of charging
people
 for admission are more than the negative impacts. ​
Firstly
, the cankerous parts of the
museums
 can be repaired and the existing things can be updated by spending the money which comes from charging the
people
 for admission. Nowadays, not only students but
also
 workers usually go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
museum whenever they have free time so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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museums
 can be regarded as a place which
people
 visit most.
Subsequently
, the more
people
 come
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the more possibilities that the museum can be old.
However
, it can be repaired if there is enough finance to repair the cankerous parts.
For example
, some frames are destroyed and
people
 cannot see clearly through the frame because of the unclean surface.
Moreover
, the existing things which are
picture’s
Change noun form
picture
show examples
 frames and maps can be updated. And
then
,
instead
 of showing the world map or local map
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
board
Add an article
the board
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, illustrating the maps by computers can attract
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
’s interests. ​
Secondly
,
museums
 can serve the visitors with great facilities. Building the toilets
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 every floor is not only comfortable but
also
 convenient for the visitors. After that, establishing the elevator is suitable for both elder
people
 and children who are interested in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history but they have difficulty to visit around the museum. And
then
,
people
 need to leave their phones, cameras and snacks which are not allowed to bring up with them in the safe boxes. Only if the
museums
 have enough budget to put these things,
people
 will be insouciant and can visit peacefully.
Consequently
, putting the benches which
people
 can take relaxation when they are exhausted to walk is an excellent thing that can make
people
 satisfied. ​In conclusion, many
museums
 ask for
Correct article usage
a charge
show examples
charge
Fix the agreement mistake
charges
show examples
 to enter it while others are unnecessary to
charge
. From my point of view, the advantages of charging for
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 admission outweigh
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the drawbacks.
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

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  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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