Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern life, teenagers have difficulty
to choose
Change the verb form
choosing
show examples
between finding a
job
and attending
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
or
college
.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
there are many advantages of working after high
school
, I believe that continuing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college
or
university
is the better option for
students
. There are several reasons people choose finding
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
is the better choice.
Firstly
, after completing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
school
, teenagers are enough 18 years old, they are able to earn money on their own and be independent without
parent’s
Correct pronoun usage
their parent’s
show examples
financial
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
. In fact, many
students
in Europe tend to find a
job
after high
school
.
Secondly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers have a thought that studying at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
or
college
is not crucial for them, so they want to get a
job
or start
up with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their own career.
For example
, Bill
Gate
Fix the agreement mistake
Gates
show examples
or Mark Zuckerberg has not graduated
any
Change preposition
from any
show examples
university
or
college
,
however
, they are owning many giant companies over the world.
On the other hand
, I strongly believe that
students
would gain more advantages if
students
keep
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
studying. In fact, doctors,
teachers
Correct word choice
and teachers
show examples
, … are not allowed to work in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hospitals,
Correct word choice
or school
show examples
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
if they do not have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high academic qualifications.
Besides
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many high-paying jobs always need vital requirements.
Job
Add an article
The job
show examples
market is more competitive and a bachelor’s degree or master’s degree in your resumé can be a huge advantage compared to other applicants. Employers would prefer a person who has an adequate amount of knowledge to work efficiently with less training time. It seems to me that
students
with
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
academic
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
are likely to be more successful in pursuing their dream jobs.
Submitted by luudang97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
What to do next:
Look at other essays: