IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together .To what extend do you agree or disagree with your opion

#people #music #cultures #ages #opion
a small section of society thinks that
music
 is
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 ultimate approach
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 uniting
people
 of
distint
Correct your spelling
distinct
distant
Correct your spelling
backgrounds
backgrouds
Correct your spelling
backgrounds
 and age groups together . I literally accord with
this
 notion .In my ,opinion
music
 is guaranteed to prove a boon for social well-being To commence with , in the justification of my notion, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the multifarious positive impacts of
music
 on society .
people
 of all ages
love
 to listen
Change preposition
to
show examples
opera and classical to unwind their minds and
music
 is considered the best approach to developing harmony . To epitome ,
justin
Change the capitalization
Justin
show examples
bieber
Change the capitalization
Bieber
show examples
 is an international singer and he sings
pop
Add an article
a pop
the pop
show examples
 song which is listened to by all age groups, as well as his songs, get viral all over the world
over-a-night
Correct your spelling
over a night
show examples
 due to his vocal and singing style .
Thus
, in recent
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 most
people
 prefer to
tolisten
Correct your spelling
to listen
 international
music
 rather than local artists
In addition
,
music
 has no language but it has all types of feelings including happiness and sadness .
people
 who belong to different cultures and traditions ,
love
 to
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
show examples
 same taste
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
music
 due to the same feeling namely, sorrow,
love
 and joy.
moreover
 ,in some
music
 ,
India
Replace the word
Indian
show examples
 and western instruments are used and it has become part of a multi-culture society .
However
,
music
 is
relaxation
Correct article usage
a relaxation
show examples
 activity which breaks
stereotypes
Correct article usage
the stereotypes
show examples
 life of
people
 .
Nevertheless
 , some
people
 believe that
music
 is failing to generate harmony between
people
 and it may create more age and cultural barriers all over the world because most youth
love
 to
tolisten
Correct your spelling
listen
to listen
romantic
Change preposition
to romantic
show examples
 and pop
music
 whereas, old
people
 prefer devine and patriotic
music
 . In reserve , it widens the gap in societies In conclusion, I am convinced that
lucrative
Correct article usage
the lucrative
show examples
 of listening to
music
 can not be underestimated in the terms of inviting equality .
Submitted by s.singh7382 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: