IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar,which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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As seen nowadays, manufactured food or drinking
products
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 contain high levels of carbohydrates in them. Carbohydrates should be used less because of the high content of
sugar
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 in the
products
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 it can lead the consumer to diseases like heart problems, Diabetes and many more.
In addition
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 ,the manufacturer doesn't show full detail content on the backside of the manufactured product, let's say if the cake is 200gm grams
then
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 the manufacturer will only write the content on the index for 50gms, because of
this
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 tactic most of the consumers are fooled.
Secondly
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,some
people
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 agree and some disagree with the statement that if
sugar
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products
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 get expensive
people
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 will consume less
sugar
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.I agree with the above because if sugary
products
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 get expensive
then
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people
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 will avoid buying sugary
products
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,
on the other hand
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,
people
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 will consume fewer chocolates,desserts,juices and many more. The government should take forward step to put some extra taxes on sugary
products
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 till the manufacturers don't stop adding unwanted
sugar
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 to their
products
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. Just because of
this
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 initiative,
people
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 will be saved from fitness problems.On a daily diet public eat vegetables ,rice and roti so it won't impact the essential items if the price of sugary items gets hiked.
For example
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, in 2007 the president of Sri Lanka took action on sugary
products
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 by increasing 200% the tax on it, he took
this
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 decision because the
people
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 of Sri Lanka were facing a disease called Diabetes.After taking
this
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 decision the
people
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also
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 stop consuming sugary
products
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 because of the price hike and the
people
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 got benefited from it. Health problem of diabetes reduced to 10% in 2009 with
this
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 step of the government. In conclusion,making sugary
products
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 expensive will help the
people
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 of the nation with health problems and they will not face any health issues related to it.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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