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Band 4.5

whwn choosing a job, salary is the most important consideration. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#whwn #job #salary #consideration
Nowadays, society
tend
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tends
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 to earn money for
comfortable
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a comfortable
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 life. One of the most considerable
aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
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 of choosing a career is its
salary
. There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a lot of contraries
argued
Wrong verb form
arguing
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 which satisfaction is more important than
monetary
Correct article usage
the monetary
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 part of the job. I accept
this
 suit for many people but in general, I disagree with
this
 phrase which we consider
salary
 as the most important reason to choose a job.
Firstly
, satisfaction can bring happiness and fulfilment to people in spite
of
Change preposition
apply
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that
salary
 can not guarantee your mood.
For instance
, if you have been chosen by the employer who has nice behaviour, respect for all employees and pays attention to them can make sense of self-satisfy and
also
 workers get a responsibility to work harder and take care of the big target of his/her position.
Secondly
, if
public
Correct article usage
the public
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be
Change the verb form
is
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 a good industry and have
satisfaction
Add an article
the satisfaction
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to
Change preposition
with
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 their post, their mind turns to empty of any tension relevant
about
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to
show examples
 their career, so they can make
a
Correct article usage
apply
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better decision and enhance their creativity.
Hence
, when they don't have any
issue
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issues
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 with another and have a passion for their work, automatically they tend to do the assignment in
perfect
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a perfect
the perfect
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 way and in ,conclusion
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 can achieve
to
Change preposition
apply
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his
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 goal . For ,example researchers find their appointment because they like to do something for science and
also
 can help human life. Other
community
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communities
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 argued their ideal career doesn't exist and they live a pressured life just because of the monthly payment which their company gives to them. In sum part, I want to restate my opinion which
satisfiction
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
 is more important than
salary
 because can bring fulfilment and
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 of
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 for
employee
Add an article
the employee
an employee
show examples
.
Submitted by aidalizade1 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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