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Band 4

Some countries spend a lot of money to make bicycle usage easier. why is this? is this the best solution to traffic congestion?

#countries #money #bicycle #usage #traffic #congestion
There is no doubt that
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
 play a key role in the way people lead their lives.
While
 some countries spend so much money to
devolop
Correct your spelling
develop
bicycle
 usage easier, other countries
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
conversely
. From my point of view, I think it is the best
solution
 but it
is need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to improve and in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will support my view with examples.
To begin
 with,
bicycles
 are very dangerous if we use
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural places. despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
, people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
still use their
bicycles
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
roads
Correct article usage
the roads
show examples
.
For example
, In Turkey there are very less
roads
 which is for
bicycles
 and society can not go
many
Change preposition
to many
show examples
 places with their
bicycles
.
Furthermore
, there is a
solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 that if we make
roads
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for
bicycles
 there will be no problem.
In addition
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people going to use
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
 with
this
solution
 and the traffic
also
 will
be reduce
Change the verb form
be reduced
show examples
. To continue with, making
bicycle
roads
 is very expensive some countries do not want to
spent
Change the form of the verb
spend
show examples
 their money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 that because they think it is
uncessarry
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
necessary
.
Although
 they do not want to spend their money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 that, they are spending
very
Change preposition
on very
show examples
uncessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
necessary
 things.
For example
, making
roads
 for cars because of traffic . The light of
this
 information there is a
solution
 if they make a
bicycle
 road and get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
minimum taxes from that
roads
Fix the agreement mistake
road
show examples
 there will be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
no problem and
also
 the traffic accidents will be less than used to be. All in all, taking the afore-mentioned points into account, it can be concluded that making
bicycle
roads
 is the best way the get
bicycle
 usage easier.
Submitted by mertakin40 on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat unclear and disorganized. Work on creating a clear and organized structure for your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement in terms of clarity and relevance. Ensure that they effectively introduce and summarize the main points of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a somewhat complete response to the task, but it lacks clarity and development. Provide more detailed and comprehensive ideas and examples to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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