IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Nowadays, older people whoo need employment have to compete with younger people. What problem does this cause, and what are the solution?

#people #whoo #employment
In the cutting-edge era,
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
 became a competitive domain which is very hard to get
.
Change preposition
into.
show examples
 In the field of
workings
Replace the word
work
show examples
,
older
Add an article
the older
show examples
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
 have to
work
 with
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 equally.
This
 situation can create some problems including reducing
work
sprit
Correct your spelling
spirit
show examples
 and
this
 problem can be solved by separating their duty.
To begin
 with, working two generations together can decrease working
Correct your spelling
spirit
show examples
sprit
Correct your spelling
spirit
show examples
.
Youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
Youngsters
show examples
 are more fit to
work
 speedily than
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
tribe
Fix the agreement mistake
tribes
show examples
.
Moreover
,
older
Add an article
an older
the older
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 who
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 employment
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 not
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 as much as
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 have which can make a barrier to
work
Correct your spelling
together
togther
Correct your spelling
together
Add the comma(s)
, as a result,
show examples
as a result
 it can
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 badly
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
companies
Change noun form
companies'
company's
show examples
 progress.
This
 may lead
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
company
to reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 profit.
For example
,
people
 who are elder have less physical power than younger.
Medical
Add an article
The medical
show examples
practitioner
Fix the agreement mistake
practitioners
show examples
 said that at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 later age
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 lose their 60% health strength. By which I mean that an older citizen can not
work
 like a younger pupil. Because of
this
, a
company
 get
Add an article
a little
show examples
little
Correct quantifier usage
few
show examples
 working hour to an older man which can curtail
company
 development.
Therefore
, for
this
 reason, working two
genesis
Change to a plural noun
geneses
show examples
 together can
detrimental
Add a missing verb
be detrimental
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
.
This
 problem can be solved by separating their
duty
Fix the agreement mistake
duties
show examples
Change preposition
with regards
show examples
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
 to their age and capacity. Younger blood who are more powerful can
work
 where the
company
 needs a more capable person;
on the other hand
, older
people
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
worked
Replace the word
work
show examples
 are more experienced and can
work
 where the
company
 requires a more skilled person.
This
 may help to maintain working balance resulting in enlarged
people
 who need to
work
 can
worked
Change the form of the verb
work
show examples
 freely with youth and
also
company
 have bo possibility to face deleterious condition.
For instance
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the transportation sector of a
company
 can be maintained by youngsters and older
people
 can be responsible for financial management departments. By doing these,
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
 will get
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 working hours from two genesis as well as older
people
 who need
work
 can meet their demand. In conclusion, old
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
whom
Change the pronoun
who
show examples
 need employment can find energy variation by working with old
people
. But
this
 problem can be solved by dividing their responsibilities. In
last
, working with old and young
people
 simultaneously can diminish the number of
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
show examples
.
Submitted by ahmedshahriar448 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: