IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The number of indigenous tribes living traditional lives in the world’s rainforests is decreasing. Within a few decades the last of these indigenous tribes may have disappeared forever. What are the causes of this problem and what can be done to prevent it from happening?

#tribes #lives #world’s #rainforests #decades
In modern times,
due to
 increasing the amount of immigration, it can be seen that the excessive load of indigenous tribes who lived in
rainforests
Change the noun form
rainforest
show examples
 regions moved to cities. There are some following issues
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and a few problem-solving methods. In terms of issues,
this
 community
becomes
Verb problem
has
show examples
 faded in the
last
 several decades,
due to
 a number of reasons,
such
 as globalization, urbanization, and the world being surrounded by endless technology, which
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 blurred boundaries for human beings.
As a result
, it can be seen that many want to work and live in megapolises, indigenous tribes are no exception. The main
resean
Correct your spelling
reason
 it can be looking for wealth and comfortable life.
for instance
, they prefer to change their habitat and way of living to have better access to their needs and have a permanent job with a stable income. It is true that they can have a suitable life, but paradoxically, it can bring catastrophic effects on the government,
such
 as accommodation,
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of public goods, and the cost of living. Regarding solutions, based on findings, there are some problem-solving programs which can be helpful in
this
 situation.
For example
, providing better infrastructure and growing the wages for them to help them ends meet.
Also
 showing more respect to the government and people is another way to keep them, which can be shown by creating schools or other places that assist them with taxes.
Overall
, people who are living in the countryside face huge issues, so they prefer to live in cities
instead
 of rural regions. Providing their essential materials is undoubtedly an effective way in
this
 case.
Submitted by neda.momeni.art on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay does not address the prompt fully. There is a lack of clear and comprehensive ideas and the examples provided are not relevant or specific enough.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is weak, and the essay lacks a proper introduction and conclusion. The main points are not effectively supported.
lexical resource
The essay lacks advanced vocabulary and uses repetitive and imprecise language. The lexical resource needs improvement to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
grammatical range
There are many grammatical errors throughout the essay, and the range of grammatical structures is limited. Varied sentence structures and accurate use of grammar are required for a higher score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: