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Band 5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

#countries #weight #people #levels #health #fitness #measures
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A problem of our generation is that more
people
Use synonyms
 are overweight and they do
a
Correct article usage
apply
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less physical activity so the consequences are reflecting directly on their
health
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, the causes of these issues come from the quality of the
food
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 we are eating, from the stressful life that we are living.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
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 some
problems
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 come from the way that
Governments
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 are regulating the
food
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industry
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 and how are they stimulating
people
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 on doing more movement. In the present essay, we will address these causes and we will analyze the solutions to avoid more
people
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 getting sicker because of the lifestyle they have at the moment.
Firstly
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, when we speak about causes that make
people
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 weigh more and provoke
health
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 issues we think of poor quality
food
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that is
Linking Words
 available for
people
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 to buy.
For example
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, as a measure, the
Governments
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 should regulate more strictly the
food
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industry
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, the substances they use, and the way the
food
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 is prepared
food
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 and
make
Wrong verb form
made
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
available for
people
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 to eat. It is very well known that
food
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 nowadays is full of additives, salt, sugar, and preservatives, only to make
food
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last
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 longer, be ready in a few minutes, and be tasty. So, the
Governments
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 should control better the
food
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industry
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 to not make
people
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 get sick from the
food
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 they are eating.
Secondly
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,
people
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 are doing less and less movement or sports. A way to counteract
this
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 would be to motivate
people
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 in choosing alternative ways to travel to
work
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 or to do daily tasks.
For example
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, the States could give
people
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 some vouchers to buy bikes or make free bicycles available for the public to borrow. Another example would be motivating
people
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 who arrive to
work
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 or to school with bikes by getting more free days off.
Thirdly
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, another factor to increasing
health
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problems
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 and decreasing sports activity is too much stress at
work
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 and the fact that
work
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 doesn't end when
people
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 get home. It is widely known that too much
work
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 and stress without relaxation could lead to heart
problems
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. A solution to
this
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 problem could be adopting the system of 3 or 4 days
work
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 week, for
people
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 to have more time for relaxing activities. In conclusion, the
health
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problems
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 that nowadays are caused by being overweight and by doing less physical activity can be tackled only by a combined effort from all the parts involved in the issue. The
people
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 that are having
this
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 lifestyle, should be open to educating themselves on the choices they do every day, and the
Governments
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 should watch more carefully over the
food
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industry
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. Private companies have a great role too because it is in their interest to have healthier and more productive employees, and using the measure to motivate workers in having a healthy life would bring them
also
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 value.
Submitted by narcisa on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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