IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people leave the countryside for the greater opportunities which are offered by cities. This move is not without disadvantages for both people and the environment. What are some benefits and drawbacks of urbanization?

ADVANTAGES DISADVANTAGES
URBANISATION
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 Experts have debated that in a constantly developing world, the global phenomenon of
urbanisation
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 has brought numerous advantages
while
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 analyzing how impactful
this
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 event could have on the global population. In
this
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 essay I will analyze both
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 and disadvantages of
urbanisation
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, using examples to sustain arguments.
Following
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this
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, a reasoned conclusion will be shared. First of all,
urbanisation
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 has brought enormous enhancements to rural inhabitants,
which
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who
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 have had access to an easier life.
Therefore
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, they have access to many benefits,
such
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 as more comfortable houses, education, medical services and entertainment. Understandably, rural residents may obtain job occupations in a market that could offer them more possibilities.
For instance
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, one of the cities that have benefitted from
this
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 phenomenon was Bejing, the dream for many Chinese citizens, which benefitted from one of the most significant
urbanisation
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 events.
On the other hand
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, the major drawback is pollution, which affects most urban areas around the world. As recent studies suggest, two in three people are more likely to suffer from
air bone
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airborne
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 diseases
due to
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 the massive emissions of fossil fuels, which
causes
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cause
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 acid rain and smog.
For example
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, in China, especially in the Hong Kong area, where the
urbanisation
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 rate is up to 0,54%, health services have registered a significant fall in terms of quality,
while
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 slums have developed faster causing a rise in diseases. In conclusion, after considering both sides of
urbanisation
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, I am strongly convinced that the drawbacks outweigh the pros.
Thus
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, considering the impact
urbanisation
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 has on the population, governments should intervene in order to limit as much as possible the negative effects.

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task response
Ensure that your essay thoroughly explores the topic, providing a balanced examination of the advantages and disadvantages of urbanization. Include specific examples to support your arguments and present a clear conclusion that summarizes your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good overall coherence and cohesion, but it could be improved by using more cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs. Work on structuring your essay in a more organized manner to enhance the logical flow of information.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • employment prospects
  • quality of life
  • cultural exposure
  • environmental degradation
  • overcrowding
  • pollution
  • strain on resources
  • cost of living
  • financial benefits
  • rural communities
  • local economies
  • migration
  • essential services
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