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Band 6.5

Many people leave the countryside for the greater opportunities which are offered by cities. This move is not without disadvantages for both people and the environment. What are some benefits and drawbacks of urbanization?

#people #countryside #opportunities #cities #move #environment #urbanization
ADVANTAGES DISADVANTAGES
URBANISATION
 Experts have debated that in a constantly developing world, the global phenomenon of
urbanisation
 has brought numerous advantages
while
 analyzing how impactful
this
 event could have on the global population. In
this
 essay I will analyze both
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages of
urbanisation
, using examples to sustain arguments.
Following
this
, a reasoned conclusion will be shared. First of all,
urbanisation
 has brought enormous enhancements to rural inhabitants,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
 have had access to an easier life.
Therefore
, they have access to many benefits,
such
 as more comfortable houses, education, medical services and entertainment. Understandably, rural residents may obtain job occupations in a market that could offer them more possibilities.
For instance
, one of the cities that have benefitted from
this
 phenomenon was Bejing, the dream for many Chinese citizens, which benefitted from one of the most significant
urbanisation
 events.
On the other hand
, the major drawback is pollution, which affects most urban areas around the world. As recent studies suggest, two in three people are more likely to suffer from
air bone
Correct your spelling
airborne
show examples
 diseases
due to
 the massive emissions of fossil fuels, which
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
show examples
 acid rain and smog.
For example
, in China, especially in the Hong Kong area, where the
urbanisation
 rate is up to 0,54%, health services have registered a significant fall in terms of quality,
while
 slums have developed faster causing a rise in diseases. In conclusion, after considering both sides of
urbanisation
, I am strongly convinced that the drawbacks outweigh the pros.
Thus
, considering the impact
urbanisation
 has on the population, governments should intervene in order to limit as much as possible the negative effects.
Submitted by elena.panaite93 on

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task response
Ensure that your essay thoroughly explores the topic, providing a balanced examination of the advantages and disadvantages of urbanization. Include specific examples to support your arguments and present a clear conclusion that summarizes your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good overall coherence and cohesion, but it could be improved by using more cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs. Work on structuring your essay in a more organized manner to enhance the logical flow of information.
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