IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people claim that young people are more attractive than older people in business or in the workplace. Do you agree or disagree with this?

#people #business #workplace
It argued that younger
people
 are more eye-catching than the older
generation
 in trading activity or in the
office
.
People
 can not decline the reality that young
people
 are more attractive than the older
generation
 in several aspects
such
 as communication skills and body. Nowadays, all aspects of the universe have been changed including in business or
office
. Recently
companies
 are pushing themselves to hire
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
 to their
office
, it can happen because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young adult is more useful than the older. For example,
companies
 need a person who has a lot of energy to obtain their market target. As evidence, some research said that
companies
 that have a numerous number of young adults can reach their target. On other hand, the
physically
Change the adverb
physical
show examples
 aspect is one of the main factors why capitalism believes that the young
generation
 is more attractive than the past
generation
. The young
generation
 has a good body shape for hiring customers and is more energetic than the older one. To take an example, in the growth of the technology era,
people
 have much
pressure
Correct quantifier usage
more pressure
show examples
 than in the past, and it can be followed by the older
generation
.
As a result
, young employers are more needed in
this
 era even though the older workers have much experience. To sum up, I believe that the younger
generation
 is more attractive and useful in trading activity or in the
office
. If
companies
 want to reach their target, they should regenerate their workers from the older to the younger.
Submitted by writingtest7777 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovation
  • Trends
  • Agility
  • Adaptability
  • Strategic framework
  • Sustainable innovation
  • Age diversity
  • Digital native
  • Problem-solving methods
  • Working environment
  • Technological advancements
  • Industry experience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: