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Band 3.5

Do you agree that education will change a criminal?

#education #change
With advancement that's
gobal
Correct your spelling
global
goal
,
education
 has
broaden
Change the verb form
broadened
show examples
 knowledge in different sectors of lives. In
this
, the essay will say if
education
 can change the life of a criminal or not. But
from
Change the preposition
in
show examples
 my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 I disagree with the above statement. To start with,
Correct your spelling
educational
Correct article usage
the educatioal
show examples
educatioal
Correct your spelling
educational
system
 has
broaden
Change the verb form
broadened
show examples
 the knowledge of various individuals who has
Correct your spelling
in turn
show examples
inturn
Correct your spelling
in turn
show examples
 become successful while some
becomes
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become
show examples
nuisant
Correct your spelling
nuisance
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
For example
 in the case
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a young man known as hussipuppi who happens to be a Nigerian , hacked into the
system
 of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 foreign country and stole millions of dollars. Now with
this
 if he never had
no
Rewrite the sentence
any
show examples
 knowledge about
system
Add an article
the system
show examples
 operating through
education
 he won't have carried out
such
criminal
Correct article usage
a criminal
show examples
 act.
Furthermore
, there's no child brought into the world without
been
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 educated either
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 teachers or parents or even
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 peer groups. Learning exposes one
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 knowing how to operate
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and other modern
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
 and
this
hence
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 increases crimes.
Furthermore
,
education
 cannot prevent one from
Correct your spelling
committing
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 crimes because if after learning and
there's
Change the verb form
there are
show examples
 no job opportunities
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 criminal tendency will be high due to lack of
fundsbin
Correct your spelling
funds in
 taking care of their wants or needs. In conclusion ,
educational
Add an article
the educational
show examples
system
 has nothing to do with
individual's
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals'
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 crime rather it exposes them more due to the advancement in the use of technology.
Submitted by adaobihedioha12 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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