Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Recently there
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
been some
believes
Replace the word
belief
show examples
that
children
are not getting enough social interactions and
lack
of emotional acknowledgement that they would regularly need from their teachers or parents. In my honest
Correct your spelling
opinion
opninion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, I agree with
this
idea.
Firstly
, due to
lack
of contact with the communities,
children
will start to have
wild like
Add a hyphen
wild-like
show examples
behaviour as if they devolve back into our
ancestor
Fix the agreement mistake
ancestors
show examples
,
for example
,
lack
of understanding of
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
emotions, acting without having a single thought of that action, these behaviour are not
human like
Add a hyphen
human-like
show examples
and need to be fixed by daily communications and teaching. There is an actual disorder called CAD (Child Attachment Disorder)
this
can
Correct your spelling
cause
casue
Correct your spelling
cause
the
children
to not feel others due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of parental
loves
Fix the agreement mistake
love
show examples
.
Secondly
, mental health can be the reasons leading to
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
behaviour, diseases
such
as ADHD, obsessive-compulsive disorder, autism, etc, these can make the
children
angry and have
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
demeanour, they can not control their emotions properly while having these mental problems. These illnesses have many causes many of which were generated by the parental
Correct your spelling
figures
figgures
Correct your spelling
figures
, or not having many daily communications with the outer worlds, locking themselves in their own worlds generated by their imaginations and
triggered
Wrong verb form
triggering
show examples
these diseases. In conclusion,
children
need to be cared for before they reach a state
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
which they can not receive
anymore
Correct your spelling
any more
show examples
loves and emotions from their superior guidance or parents
Submitted by trankhanhnhi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • juvenile crime
  • social and emotional learning
  • parental guidance
  • educational system
  • technology addiction
  • media influence
  • behavioral patterns
  • societal issues
  • economic disparities
  • comprehensive intervention
  • crime prevention strategies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: