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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of playing sports and participating in physical exercises.

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The
exercise
Use synonyms
 involves anything done physically with the aim of keeping fit. The pros and cons of
involving
Wrong verb form
being involved
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 in sporting
activities
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 and
body
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 exercises will be highlighted in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Firstly
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, the main benefit of
involving
Wrong verb form
being involved
show examples
 in active sports and
exercise
Use synonyms
 is that it keeps you fit and healthy. When one takes part in
exercise
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 and games
such
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 as football, volleyball and high jumps, the whole
body
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 is at play. These
activities
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 involve running, jumping and swinging the arm among others
and
Correct word choice
apply
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so the
body
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 system is heated up and participants tend to sweat allowing toxin removal from the
body
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.
Also
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,
this
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 heat burns unwanted fat which may be damaging to the
body
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. Doctors recommend passive exercises to hypertensive patients because it helps in the pumping of blood to the various organs
thus
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 keeping you strong and healthy. Despite
this
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 advantage, individuals do not enjoy sporting
activities
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 and exercises because of the possible
injuries
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 associated with them. During
exercise
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, there is the movement of
body
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 parts like the legs,
arm
Fix the agreement mistake
arms
show examples
 etc.
Injuries
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 occur when one of these
body
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 parts hits a stone or furniture or even against another.
Additionally
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, during games
such
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 as football, a person could accidentally kick another person and injury may occur. Complications of
such
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injuries
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 could be a long term and
this
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 frightens a lot of people who
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 like to participate in sporting
activities
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. In conclusion, the upside of exercising and indulging in sports is that you always look fit and healthy.
However
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, its downside is the probable
injuries
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 one may encounter.

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is adequate, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved for better coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task and presents clear and comprehensive ideas. However, providing more relevant and specific examples would enhance the depth of the discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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