IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that cigarette smoking has had a negative impact for far too long and the only solution to end it is to make cigarettes illegal worldwide. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Smoking
cigarettes
Use synonyms
 is believed to have long-term detrimental effects on individuals and the community as a
hold
Check wording
whole
show examples
. Some
people
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 have an opinion that the sole way to deal with
this
Linking Words
 problem is to prohibit the use of
tobacco
Use synonyms
 globally. From my perspective, I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as I argue
there
Correct word choice
that there
show examples
 are advantages associated with
this
Linking Words
 issue.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, folks have the right to think that
cigarettes
Use synonyms
 should be banned worldwide. Smoking is harmful to health as it leads to various health problems
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 lung cancer, which is the main cause of death in
smokers
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. It might take a long time to show symptoms, so
tobacco
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 users hardly pay attention to it until
feeling
Wrong verb form
they feel
show examples
 the pain.
For example
Linking Words
, about 7 million
people
Use synonyms
 die because of smoking every year.
Moreover
Linking Words
, smoking
cigarettes
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 not only negatively impacts
smokers
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 affects the surrounding
people
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 in a dangerous way. These
people
Use synonyms
 may suffer from the same health issues as
smokers
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is said that
tobacco
Use synonyms
 should be prohibited for the benefit of the community.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
tobacco
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 industry plays an important role in contributing to the economy of
one
Correct determiner usage
a
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 country. To explicate, governments can make a profit through the source of huge taxes on
cigarettes
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, thousands of
people
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 work in cigarette-related industries
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 creates job opportunities. If smoking is banned completely, these
people
Use synonyms
 will become unemployed and unable to earn money to afford their expenditures.
In addition
Linking Words
, smoking may help to boost mood and enhance creativity
as well as
Linking Words
 imagination. Some
smokers
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 even use
cigarettes
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 as a way to concentrate on their work.
For instance
Linking Words
, Uncle Ho, the Great President of Vietnam, used to be a heavy smoker to keep himself alert when he was young. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 smoking is detrimental in some aspects, it would bring about various advantages.
Instead
Linking Words
 of banning smoking, governments should raise the awareness of residents
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the dangers of
tobacco
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 and impose more taxes on
cigarettes
Use synonyms
 to limit their sales.

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structure
Be clear about your view in one sentence and keep it in every paragraph.
structure
Give one main idea in each paragraph with a short example.
linking
Use simple linking words to show order and contrast (first, also, but, so).
language
Fix grammar and use short, clear sentences.
content
Use facts you can prove and keep examples real and relevant.
content
You show you know the topic and share your view.
structure
The essay has a plan with two sides.
content
You end with a suggestion to handle smoking without a full ban.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health hazards
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • addictive nature
  • perpetuating
  • second-hand smoke
  • respiratory problems
  • financial burden
  • healthcare systems
  • astronomical
  • prohibition
  • prevalence
  • underage smoking
  • black markets
  • control and safety regulations
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • smoking cessation programs
  • e-cigarettes
  • vaping
  • harm reduction
  • gateway effects
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