IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Employers should give staff at least four weeks holidays a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Few masses ponder that communication techniques requirements like electronic gadgets by
nation
Replace the word
national
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 youth will have a daunting effect on their learning and writing materials. It would precipitate the spelling mistake.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it has hazardous health issues. I will agree with the notion and I will share my views in the upcoming fragments. To commence with, in the modern era
use
Use synonyms
 of electronic applications would dramatically increase
due to
Linking Words
 the modern lifestyle and most generations would like to
use
Use synonyms
 them. To elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
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youngsters
use
Use synonyms
 mobile and computers as gadgets
then
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 they do not have extra time to spend on them so they
use
Use synonyms
 easy and small words.
For example
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, the latest data by Wilson
harry
Capitalize word
Harry
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, who is a master of technology shares that less than 85% of the nation's youth
use
Use synonyms
 short abbreviations like thnx and bcoz during times of chat and they have many
words
Change the noun form
word
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 mistakes. Which will decrease their language proficiencies.
Thus
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, the upcoming ability to learn and write would not be neglected.
Furthermore
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, the gadget era depends on the latest products like cell phones and electronic machines and they have very bad consequences on their lifestyle. To explicate it, when they
use
Use synonyms
 the upcoming appliances the rays and light produced by them have a very dangerous influence on human beings because they depend upon them.
For instance
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, as per the” American Eyes and Heart Association,” 89% of young people have low eyesight and coronary heart-like diseases.
Thus
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, they should be used systematically because “health is wealth”.
To conclude
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this
Linking Words
, the dependency on the phone and computers should be avoided. Yet they will
use
Use synonyms
only
Correct pronoun usage
it only
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 in
that
Correct determiner usage
those
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 conditions when they are very urgent.

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task achievement
Work on providing a more comprehensive response to the question. Make sure to directly address the need for at least four weeks of holidays for better job performance, as was asked in the topic.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea that connects logically to your main argument.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion, which helps in the organization of your essay.
task achievement
The discussion on the negative impact of gadgets is relevant and offers a view on modern challenges faced by young people.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • rejuvenate
  • efficiency
  • mental health
  • burnout
  • stress
  • well-being
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • job satisfaction
  • employee retention
  • turnover rates
  • physical health
  • sick leave
  • work-life balance
What to do next:
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