IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discus both views and give your opinion

#people #animals #rights #humans #food #research #discus
Animal exploitation has recently become
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 controversial issue as many individuals believe that animal
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
 should be preserved while opponents argue that human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 have no choice
to
Correct word choice
but to
show examples
 take advantage of what
animals
 provide for
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mankind
Change noun form
mankind's
show examples
 survival. On the one hand, it is said that employing these creatures
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 in our genes. We evolve in a way that our ancestors have fed
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 livestock and it took million years to reach
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
this
show examples
 point
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 time
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is
therefore
 printed in our DNA which takes
shape
Correct article usage
the shape
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 structure of our body cells. It is hard to alter
this
 kind of diet which is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 our living
organism
Fix the agreement mistake
organisms
show examples
.
However
,
biologist
Fix the agreement mistake
biologists
show examples
 achieved
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
brilliant discoveries for meat, milk and other product alternatives.
For example
, they are in
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
 stages of making protein in
laboratory
Add an article
the laboratory
a laboratory
show examples
 without
stroll
Wrong verb form
strolling
show examples
 the life of
animals
. Unfortunately,
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 not been enough to meet the
population ‘
Change noun form
population's
show examples
needs of the planet Earth.
On the other hand
, the opponents argue that any living creatures should be respected and we should make a space for them. It is true that
animals
 are not as wise as us and they don’t have
power
Change the article
the power
show examples
 to defend themselves, it should not be a good excuse to exploit them. They can suffer like
Add an article
a human
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
with
Change preposition
without
show examples
 any
harms
Fix the agreement mistake
harm
show examples
 we have witnessed many scenes in documentaries that how chimpanzees behave like
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 and how clever they are and how they interact and how the affected by cruel
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of trafficking. In summary, we should respect
animals
 as far as we can, and look for
substitutes
Change the noun form
substitute
show examples
 approaches that help us
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 harm
animals
.
Submitted by kianaamani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: