IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that protecting the environment is the government’s responsibility. Others believe that every individual should take responsibility for it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people are of the opinion that it is the state’s duty to improve the condition of our ecological system.
While
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 I agree with the idea that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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governments must stand up to protect the ecosystem, I
also
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 believe that every citizen
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also
Rephrase
apply
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plays an important role in the ways of saving
mother nature
Correct your spelling
Mother Nature
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. There are many measures that the council can consider to protect the environment.
Firstly
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, the governments can pass laws that impose a heavy fine for each organization or individual that has acted harmfully to the environment.
For example
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, in Thanh Hoa Vietnam, there
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 a case where a foreign company had illegally buried and dumped 79.7 tonnes of domestic and normal industrial solid waste into the village's river. The final result is that the central province of Thanh Hoa has fined a foreign-funded limited company 335 million VND for its violations of environmental protection regulations.
Secondly
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, the country needs to have an agency that takes care of the wildlife environment, in order to present and fix immediately when any problem occurs,
such
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 as forest fires, illegal hunting, etc.
Thirdly
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, the government should have a fund at their disposal to invest in green technologies for a better future.
On the other hand
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, not only the state, but every citizen
also
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 needs to have a mind to protect the motherland. Every little action like avoiding single-use plastics, buying recycled products and
then
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 recycling them again, using public transport or sorting waste property will have a great influence on the world the next day.
Furthermore
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, each citizen can make an impact by voting for presidential candidates
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 care about the deterioration of the planet. And commit to changing the status quo. There are many things that our people can do, but the most important thing is that we need to have the same way of thinking and the same purpose to join hands to protect
this
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 green planet. In conclusion,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
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currently
Add a comma
currently,
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 the earth has sent us a lot of red signals, so both the individual and the government need to quickly take responsibility and protect
this
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 planet.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. It can help readers know your position from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Check for correct use of commas and sentence structure. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Try to keep your paragraphs focused. Each one should have a clear main idea that connects to your topic.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which makes your argument stronger.
task achievement
Your ideas about both the government's and individuals' roles were clear and well-articulated.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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