IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences this style of parenting have on children as they get older?

SAMPLE ANSWER Parenting is an important responsibility that cannot be taken with levity.
However
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, there are diverse approaches to it. Some
parents
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 are exponents of the authoritative method while others opt to be permissive. I
however
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 advocate for a balanced approach to parenting as I believe the permissive style could have dire consequences as I would be discussing
subsequently
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.✅ Primarily, childhood is the most critical stage where
parents
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 can mould
children
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 and imbibe values.
Additionally
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,
children
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 at
this
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 stage are not mature enough to exercise good judgement.
Hence
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, leaving
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the decision
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decision making
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decision-making
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 entirely to them could be dangerous.
For instance
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, a toddler who prefers to run independently should not be allowed to do so on a busy road no matter the level of tantrums exhibited to avoid road traffic
accident
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accidents
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.
Although
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 it is
also
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 true that
children
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 should be allowed to reason and exercise their independence sometimes,
this
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 should
however
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 be done with caution.
Therefore
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, I really do not subscribe to the permissive approach to raising
children
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.✅ Admittedly, some
parents
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 prefer the permissive method.
This
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 decision is not without its drawbacks though and one of them is poor
self control
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self-control
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 in the child.
As a result
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, they are unable to delay gratification. These kinds of
children
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 are considered 'spoilt' because they always want to have their way and do not fit well in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. Another
long term
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long-term
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 repercussion is that these
children
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 tend to have
lower
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a lower
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 threshold for frustration as adults as they have not developed the resilience required to deal with adversity.
Consequently
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, they buckle under little pressure and may end up with mental health challenges.An instance of
this
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 is a patient that was admitted on account of attempted suicide following a break-up with
ex-girlfriend
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an ex-girlfriend
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. It was reported that he was an only child of aged
parents
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 who left no stone unturned to ensure he was always pleased. Evidently, his upbringing did not prepare him for the emotional setback associated with relationship issues which eventually culminated
to
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in
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 a mental health challenge.✅ In conclusion,
although
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 permissive parenting is preferred by
parents
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 who want to please their
children
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 always, the balanced approach supersedes it and should be encouraged.
Conversely
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, permissive parenting must be discouraged because it leads to poor
self control
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self-control
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 in young ones and poorly adjusted adults.✅ @IeltsEmirates

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgent
  • entitlement
  • discipline
  • responsibility
  • nurturing
  • self-reliance
  • adversity
  • autonomy
  • validation
  • dependence
What to do next:
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