IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that governments should spend more money on sports facilities for top athletes, others argue that this money should be spent on sports facilities for ordinary people. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #governments #money #sports #facilities #athletes
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Some
people
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 argue that
sports
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 facilities for top
athletes
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 should be spent more
money
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 by
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. Others have a contrary opinion which is spending more
mony
Correct your spelling
money
for
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on
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities for ordinary
people
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. I think the
government
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 should find out a balance spot to
benefits
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
 top
athletes
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 and ordinary
people
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. Training top
athletes
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 to achieve new
honors
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honours
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 in international competitions is a manifestation of the country’s strength, which is an indispensable factor in national diplomacy, but it
also
Linking Words
cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
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 a lot of
money
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. From the dormitory to the training ground, it
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 many construction costs. It
also
Linking Words
expend
Change the verb form
expends
show examples
 a lot of
money
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 from coaches to medical staff and nutritionists. For the
Correct your spelling
instant
instand
Correct your spelling
instance
, children usually learn to play football from the age of 6-8, and the annual cost ranges from 10000
yuan
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 to 60000
yuan
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. According to
this
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 algorithm, it will spend at least 300000
yuan
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 from the beginning of learning to the age of 19, and as high as 600000
yuan
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.
This
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 is a huge pay expense for most families in China
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
many
parent
Change to a plural noun
parents
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 are unwilling to let their children learn
sports
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
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 needs to undertake the responsibility of training
athletes
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.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, others argue that
government
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 should invest more
money
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for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 ordinary
people
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. China has a population of 1400000000, but there are only dozens of top
athletes
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, so the
government
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 should spend more on public facilities.
On the other hand
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,
government
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 revenue comes from taxes paid by ordinary
people
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,
therefore
Linking Words
 the
government
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 should pay more attention to
people
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’s
livehood
Correct your spelling
livelihood
 projects
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that the public can obtain the return of taxes. In my opinion, it is equally important to cultivate top
athletes
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 and attach importance to the
sports
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 of ordinary
people
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. Developing top
athletes
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 to win glory for the country is conducive to the country’s external construction, but paying attention to
people
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’s
livehood
Correct your spelling
livelihood
 projects is instrumental in the country’s internal construction. But the population of ordinary
people
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
exceeds that of top
athletes
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. The country should follow
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reality and find a balance point that benefits
athletes
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 and common
people
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. In conclusion, the cost of both is equally important, but the
government
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 ought to explore a balance to benefit them at the same time.
Submitted by yuanuf on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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