IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Holidays honor people and events. if you could create a new holiday, what person or event it would honor and how would you want people to celebrate it ? use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

#holidays #honor #people #events #holiday #person #event #support
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It is a common belief that giving
holidays
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 is a part of a state’s policies which is true and considered
as
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apply
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indispensable for
public
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the public
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. These
holidays
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 can be granted on the basis of different events and sometimes
honored
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honoured
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 to different personalities for their certain
work
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. In
this
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 essay, it will be discussed
that
Correct word choice
apply
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if I will create a new
holiday
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, whom I will
honor
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honour
show examples
 it and how will I expect people to celebrate it. Granting
holidays
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 is very crucial for the mental health of the masses when they celebrate a specific event and people generally think it can
also
Linking Words
 be helpful to remember some important personality and reward his services. In
Pakistan
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Pakistan,
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 different off days are given to the public
for instance
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, on religious events
while
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 some are related to important personalities
and
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apply
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I personally want to create a
holiday
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 for the death anniversary of Mr. Abdul Sattar Edhi who was the greatest humanitarian of Pakistan
as well as
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 the
world
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. The most significant reason behind choosing him for creating a new
holiday
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 is that he was the founder of
Edhi
Correct article usage
the Edhi
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foundation
Capitalize word
Foundation
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, which is still one of the greatest
trust based
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trust-based
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 social
work
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 organizations.
Besides
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it
Correct pronoun usage
this
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, he started the
world
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’s biggest ambulance service, which is operational in all parts of the
world
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.
Moreover
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, he built free schools and colleges for poor and marginalized kids of the society. His services in social
work
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 are immense and
praise able
Correct your spelling
praiseable
 so, it is imperative to reward his
work
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 by specifying a
holiday
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 by his name. Several ways can be adopted to
clelebrate
Correct your spelling
celebrate
this
Linking Words
 day by
general
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the general
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 public and Government
institues
Correct your spelling
institutes
 as well.
For example
Linking Words
, Certain programs and seminars should be arranged by public institutes on his death anniversary to highlight his
work
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 and induce his legacy into people so that, they can be encouraged to help others and bring change in society. Events should be organized at schools and colleges to make the new generation aware of him and his
work
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. Considering all the points, it can be concluded that
holidays
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 are
indespensible
Correct your spelling
indispensable
 for keeping alive the cultural values associated
to
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with
show examples
 a certain event
along with
Linking Words
 remembering the services of a person. I personally want to create a new
holiday
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 for Abdul Sattar Edhi, the greatest social worker
of
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in
show examples
 the
world
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 to make the
world
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 realize
about
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apply
show examples
his
work
Use synonyms
 and legacy.
Submitted by iqramalik9492 on

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Task Response
Ensure that all ideas are directly relevant to the task at hand, and that examples and explanations are clear and comprehensive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow of the essay by using clear and effective linking devices within and between sentences and paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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