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Band 6

Animal are in danger of extinction. Some people say that we should protect only those animals which are useful to humans. Do you agree or disagree with this.

#danger #extinction #people #animals #humans
Many species are on the verge of extinction.
While
 some people think that humans should only protect
animals
 which are useful to us, I completely disagree with
this
 statement and I believe that we should try to protect all kinds, even which are not currently useful.
This
 essay will present arguments to support my opinion. The most important reason for saving all
animals
 is that they are part of our ecosystem and each species of wildlife plays a vital role
to maintain
Change preposition
in maintaining
show examples
 the balance of life on Earth.
Thus
, the loss of any species will affect us directly or indirectly.
For example
, there are places where bees are
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 extinct. Humans must understand that a world without bees would struggle to sustain itself as we may lose all the plants that bees pollinate, and all the
animals
 that feed on these plants which will affect the entire food chain. By protecting endangered
animals
, we ensure not only their survival but
also
 the biodiversity
that is
 necessary for the ecological health of the planet.
Secondly
, wild
animals
also
 provide many valuable benefits.
For instance
, the horn of
rhinoceros
Correct article usage
the rhinoceros
show examples
 has medicinal
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
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 and the fur of reindeer is useful for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people to survive in the Tundra region.
Also
, the recreational view of these
animals
, by creating wildlife reserves and zoos can create a source of revenue. To give an example, Africa has one of the largest wildlife
habitations
Correct your spelling
habitats
show examples
 which makes it beneficial for generating revenues through tourism.
To sum up
, I believe that each and every animal has their own influence on
this
 world, and
therefore
, we should take correct steps toward the protection of all rather than for specific.
Submitted by Anuradha on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each body paragraph addresses a different supporting point clearly and coherently.
task achievement
Good use of examples, but be sure to connect them explicitly to the argument being made.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • extinction
  • intrinsic value
  • conservation
  • ecotourism
  • species
  • moral responsibility
  • utility
  • foreseen consequences
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