Some people think that arts (such as painting and music) does not directly improve the quality of people's life, so governments should spend money on other areas. Do you agree or disagree?

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In our modern society, the development of economy and civilization cannot lack the contribution of arts because it brings a multitude of advantages to serve everyone. Some people believe that the government should invest money in other zones but from my point of view, the arts play an important in helping to develop the economy and civilization. First and foremost, in the world, improving international relationships is crucial for the growth of a nation. Because the countries can transfer and share tradition through masterpieces

such

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as paint or music which help to connect everyone together. Taking BTS - a famous music band in the global – as an example, they broadcast Korean culture to America, China, Thailand, Vietnam, etc.

Furthermore

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, the relationships will become friendly and close because of the impact of the picture, music, and actors to reappear

history

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in history

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or propagandize images and language. ,

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Moreover

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Moreover,

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also

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enhances the beauty of a nation.

On the other hand

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, artistic works do not only bring entertainment but

also

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contribute a huge amount of taxes to increase the government budget which can be used for a wide range of purposes.

For example

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: total sales of screen films in Vietnam in 2019 were up to 4100 billion ( went up 26% compared with 2018), the movie in Vietnam accounted for 29% of sales with over 1150 billion and dramatically grew by 40% compared with 2018. Obviously, these things improved the quality of life significantly. It helps people decline stress after a nerve-racking day and create positive

emotion

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emotions

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for everyone. In fact, it can decrease negative

feeling

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feelings

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and

makes

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make

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them happier, and more confident anywhere. In conclusion, arts are bringing a lot of benefits to both citizens and economics.

Therefore

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, it is understandable why political leaders should spend capital on it.

phuongthao.3822Mon Aug 08 2022

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task achievement

While your introduction clearly states your viewpoint, it could benefit from a more defined thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. Additionally, try to transition more smoothly between ideas for better coherence.

coherence and cohesion

Make sure to maintain consistent sentence structures and grammatical accuracy throughout the essay. A few minor errors in phrasing could distract from your main points. Proofreading can also help to catch small mistakes.

task achievement

You provided relevant examples from BTS and Vietnam’s film industry that effectively support your main points on how the arts contribute to relationships and the economy.

7
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

297 words

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Some people think that arts (such as painting and music) does not directly improve the quality of people's life, so governments should spend money on other areas. Do you agree or disagree?

Young people who commit crimes should be treated the same way as adults. To what extent do agree or disagree?

It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is the best for the individual and for society. Do you agree or disagree?

Some companies sponsor sports and sports stars as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in childhood obesity, while others think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Ambition is a positive quality for people to have in society today. How important is it for people who want to succeed in life? Is it a positive or negative characteristic?