IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The growth of Online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

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Recent years have witnessed significant changes in technologies in different countries.
Due to
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 the rise of online business and trading systems, traditional stalls are not able to compete with the infamous trend and starting to vanish from our eyesight.
Therefore
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, in terms of convenience and multi-functional, I firmly agree that online shopping will dominate the market in the future. First of all, the merits of buying goods on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 are simple and easy,
while
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conversely
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, original methods are time-consuming and lack choices. Consumers may need to travel to an array of stores in order to fulfil one's satisfaction. Consuming the internet allows providing a variety of choices,
for instance
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, big companies including Amazon and eBay introduced a myriad of products to attract customers with reasonable prices. For delivery services, most include local or overseas transportation,
although
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 prices may differ, are most suitable for those whose lifestyle is busy.
Hence
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, the public may tend to convenience considerably over roaming in streets.
On the other hand
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, online stores contain functions that attract and interest buyers around the globe. Cost is one of the many features. As an example, online platforms
such
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 as Nintendo and Xbox will randomly promote Black Friday sales for all gamers to purchase discounted products.
On the contrary
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, sellers from game platforms cannot sell many games inasmuch as they promote discounts to the public,
however
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, profits cannot be earned by
this
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.
Consequently
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, citizens may choose e-shops
instead
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 when it comes to functionality.
To conclude
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, there is no denying that shopping on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 has become a natural inclination nowadays and citizens are disregarding the traditional options.
As a result
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, these options may become history and evaporate from society.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement and a summary of the main points. The conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points or provide a final perspective on the topic. Try to include a clear and specific thesis statement in the introduction and a concise summary of the main points in the conclusion.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task question with a clear perspective. The ideas are comprehensive and well-supported with relevant examples. The response provides a clear line of argument and presents a balanced view of the topic. Ensure that the thesis statement is clearly stated, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a final perspective on the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • physical stores
  • online retailers
  • retail apocalypse
  • digital economy
  • consumer behavior
  • sustainability
  • commercial landscape
  • high-street
  • consumer trends
  • augmented reality
  • showrooms
  • carbon footprint
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