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Writing Samples /
Band 5

In order to reduce crime,we need ti attack the causes of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. Itbis not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. Do you agree or disagree?

#crime #ti #attack #poverty #lack #opportunities #itbis #police #street #people #prison
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
many
of
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apply
show examples
culprits have been punished in a proper way,
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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crime rates prove that legal authorities have been missing something valuable
at
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in
show examples
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 mitigation process.Some
people
 hold the opinion that main social issues
such
ad
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 poor educational background and poverty should be solved in order
yo
Correct your spelling
to
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 suppress all kinds of illegal activities. I agree that
,
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apply
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if both the government and the society should come forward to support poor
people
.
Firstly
, it is impossible that in many countries to provide
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
education
 as they face population growth at a considerable rate.In some other places,
education
 mainly focuses on job purposes rather than emphasizing
on
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apply
show examples
social values.
As a result
, knowingly or unknowingly
people
 act as unthoughtful and end up in prison.To illustrate, In India,the number of rape cases
have
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has
show examples
 been increasing day by day because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of proper sex
education
.
In addition
,
people
 find loopholes and
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 fearless without thinking
the
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about the
show examples
 negative consequences that they have
done
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Secondly
, A luxury lifestyle is a dream for every person
inspite
Correct your spelling
in spite
 of caste,colour ,gender and age.
However
, poverty caused by the reduced number of job opportunities
make
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makes
show examples
 life more miserable and starving to death. In order to prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
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starvation
people
 start to engage in several kinds of illegal activities
such
 as smuggling, theft and resale of stolen goods, extortion and so on.To illustrate, Tourists are less interested
to visit
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in visiting
show examples
 African countries as
this
 place is well known for robbery caused by poverty.
To conclude
, I plausibly agree with the fact that the government should promote action plans that could enhance
people
's quality of life. I suggest that the government should create more job opportunities and make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 aware
about
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of
show examples
 the importance of
education
.
Therefore
,in the
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
 the crime rates would be decreasing significantly.
Submitted by deepumolvarghese5 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay could benefit from more structured paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and use topic sentences to introduce them.
Coherence & Cohesion
You should try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow of your arguments.
Task Response
Make sure that your examples are directly relevant to the main point you are trying to make in your paragraph.
Task Response
Ensure your conclusion summarizes the main points and reinforces your position effectively.
Task Response
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss.
Task Response
You have provided specific examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your conclusion offers a clear summary of your key points and emphasizes your agreement with the statement.

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