IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that it is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #industry #workers #individuals
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Humans are all living in
such
innovative
Correct article usage
an innovative
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 era, an era
which
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in which
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 people need to survive, they
also
 need to adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social development. Everyone is
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
required to have occupations, a part thinks that it is better to keep old labours and do not recruit any new job-seekers, meanwhile, there is
also
 a group who do not support with that opinion. In my perspective, I strongly agree that people should replace the old
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the young in
such
 a working environment.
Firstly
, juveniles are believed to be able to
work
 more effective or even more productive, because they are the youth and tend to take more
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initiatives
initiative
initatives
Correct your spelling
initiative
,
work
Correct word choice
and work
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 more assiduously to prove themselves. Our
social
Replace the word
society
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 is developing day by day so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the young
also
 need opportunities to gain experiences,
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
challenge themselves and especially
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
have
a
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apply
show examples
stable finance to maintain their life. By their active reactions, creativity and their confidence, it is easier for a company or
a
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apply
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cooperation to
bemore
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be more
 more
succeess
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success
.
Secondly
, whenever the elder become
weaken
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weak
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, their health is not in a good condition to continue to
work
, if they overwork, it can bring some serious problems and obviously lead to a problem that they cannot bring for that company any profits. The government in every
nations
Change to a singular noun
nation
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are all have
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all has
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 legislations to give a sum of pension
for
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to
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 labours who have been working for about 30-40 years in order to retire and take care of their health problems.
For instance
, in some countries in Africa, the old labour intensive who are even more than 60 years old, still
work
hardly
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hard
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 to earn money in any weather,
the
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and the
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 average life expectancy
show
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shows
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 a downward trend because of a massive of illness
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 overworking. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human resources should replace senior citizens
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the young so as to harmonize the working environment because of the development of their workers.
Submitted by shin.le1988 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • experienced
  • old workers
  • young
  • inexperienced
  • replace
  • industry
  • wise
  • argue
  • valuable
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • loss of expertise
  • lack
  • necessary
  • experience
  • maturity
  • diverse
  • workforce
  • mix
  • age groups
  • beneficial
  • focus
  • providing opportunities
  • continuous learning
  • development
  • balanced approach
  • smooth transition
  • maintain productivity
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