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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing. In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the present world, it is strongly believed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology is massively used for
the
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apply
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surveillance purposes of humans. In due course,
people
Use synonyms
 are not aware of the fact that they are monitored.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that the advantages of checking
people
Use synonyms
 outweigh the disadvantages due to
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
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 threat of unrest and terrorism around the globe. It is
Linking Words
therefore
Add the comma(s)
,therefore
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, inevitable to monitor the activities of
people
Use synonyms
, closely. According to some
group
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groups
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, it is unethical to intervene
into
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in
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people
Use synonyms
’s privacy without express approval.
In other words
Linking Words
, they think that the surveillance agencies are violating the human right
of
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to
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 personal space. They believe that these companies gather the personal data of
crowd
Correct article usage
the crowd
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 and use it for personal gain whenever they want.
For instance
Linking Words
, in 2010, an ex-employ of
FBI
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the FBI
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had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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leaked
personal
Correct article usage
the personal
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 information of many renowned
people
Use synonyms
of
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from
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 different countries.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 matter can be addressed by running
awareness
Add an article
an awareness
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campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
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 on
different
Add an article
a different
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forum
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forums
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 on how to protect personal information from exposure. On the positive side, I assert that surveillance is extremely important to keep the peace of the world. In the past few decades, the world has witnessed many terrorist attacks in various countries. It was reported that the monitoring departments of these countries were not advanced
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is why they could not foresee the attacks.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in order to protect ourselves and our future generation, it is extremely important to regulate the activities of
people
Use synonyms
 closely. In doing so, if the privacy of
people
Use synonyms
 is compromised, it is not a big deal. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 should understand that it is difficult to identify the individual on the appearance because it is not true, sometimes. They should believe that they are monitored for their own safety. If they are clean and is
not
Correct your spelling
no
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threat
Correct article usage
a threat
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 to other, they do not need to worry
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apply
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about
Correct pronoun usage
themabout
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.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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