Nowadays, technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing. In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
In the present world, it is strongly believed that
the
technology is massively used for Correct article usage
apply
the
surveillance purposes of humans. In due course, Correct article usage
apply
people
are not aware of the fact that they are monitored. However
, I believe that the advantages of checking people
outweigh the disadvantages due to potential
threat of unrest and terrorism around the globe. It is Correct article usage
the potential
therefore
, inevitable to monitor the activities of Add the comma(s)
,therefore
people
, closely.
According to some group
, it is unethical to intervene Fix the agreement mistake
groups
into
Change preposition
in
people
’s privacy without express approval. In other words
, they think that the surveillance agencies are violating the human right of
personal space. They believe that these companies gather the personal data of Change preposition
to
crowd
and use it for personal gain whenever they want. Correct article usage
the crowd
For instance
, in 2010, an ex-employ of FBI
Correct article usage
the FBI
had
leaked Unnecessary verb
apply
personal
information of many renowned Correct article usage
the personal
people
of
different countries. Change preposition
from
However
, I believe that this
matter can be addressed by running awareness
Add an article
an awareness
campaign
on Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
different
Add an article
a different
forum
on how to protect personal information from exposure.
On the positive side, I assert that surveillance is extremely important to keep the peace of the world. In the past few decades, the world has witnessed many terrorist attacks in various countries. It was reported that the monitoring departments of these countries were not advanced Fix the agreement mistake
forums
that
is why they could not foresee the attacks. Correct pronoun usage
which
Therefore
, in order to protect ourselves and our future generation, it is extremely important to regulate the activities of people
closely. In doing so, if the privacy of people
is compromised, it is not a big deal.
In conclusion, people
should understand that it is difficult to identify the individual on the appearance because it is not true, sometimes. They should believe that they are monitored for their own safety. If they are clean and is not
Correct your spelling
no
threat
to other, they do not need to worryCorrect article usage
a threat
Change preposition
apply
about
.Correct pronoun usage
themabout
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite