IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

There is a growing awareness among people today that life should be enjoyed in all possible ways while the traditionalists do not agree with this view. They think that there are much more to be done in life other than just enjoying. Discuss both the views and draw your own opinions.

In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary epoch, whilst proponents believe that life must be enjoyed, opponents have a diverse perspective.
Thus
Linking Words
 , I am a staunch believer that the more we enjoy our
lives
Use synonyms
 , the better our psychological health will get. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, both perspectives will be illustrated
along with
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 my point of view. On one hand, it is believed that the more we enjoy what we do , the better
well-being
Correct pronoun usage
our well-being
show examples
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
 , if breadwinners do ,
for example
Linking Words
 , gymnastics and
started
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 to take care of their health ,
this
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 will have a paramount effect on their fitness.
For example
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 , a recent study , which was done in Egypt by socialists , found that two-thirds of employees do not do any activity after their
work
Use synonyms
 unless they are overweight. To
summarize
Change the spelling
summarise
show examples
, life is short.
Linking Words
consequently
Fix capitalization
Consequently
show examples
, we should enjoy it.
Linking Words
on
Fix capitalization
On
show examples
 the other hand , the only issue that faces most supporters of the aforementioned idea is how
can employees
Correct word order
employees can
show examples
 make ends meet
along with
Linking Words
 having fun
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
lives
Use synonyms
. To clarify , unless employees perform better in their
work
Use synonyms
 , they will not get any incentives.On top of that ,
Fix capitalization
this
show examples
This
Linking Words
 will have a crucial negative impact on them and their families.To illustrate ,doctors in Egypt have to perform their job.
Additionally
Linking Words
 , they should
work
Use synonyms
 overtime to help them with their expenses.
To conclude
Linking Words
 , one of the
most
Correct word choice
main
show examples
 drawbacks of enjoying our
lives
Use synonyms
 is
we
Correct word choice
that we
show examples
 may not have enough money to fulfil our needs. In conclusion , it has commonly been assumed that everything in our
lives
Use synonyms
 has its advantages and disadvantages.Unless breadwinners strike a balance between their
lives
Use synonyms
 and their
work
Use synonyms
 , they may face a paramount issue throughout their
lives
Use synonyms
.

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overall
Plan your essay with a clear map: intro, two ideas in body, and a short end.
coherence
Use simple linking to show how each idea goes to the next.
task
Make your two views clear and give an easy example for each.
lexical
Keep words small and common, and check the grammar.
task
Finish with a clear personal view that matches the start.
content
Two sides are shown and a view of your own is clear.
structure
Use of linking words to move ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enjoy
  • life
  • people
  • today
  • view
  • believe
  • more
  • than
  • just
  • balance
  • duty
  • work
  • family
  • learning
  • health
  • happiness
  • freedom
  • limits
  • plan
  • time
  • choice
  • meaning
  • values
  • society
  • culture
  • progress
  • risk
  • benefit
  • care
  • moderation
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