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Band 3.5

Some countries allow old people to work to any age that they want. Do the advantages outweight the disadvantages?

#countries #people #work #age #outweight
People
 have been arguing about should old
people
 continue to
work
 even though they are already 60 or even more. Some say that it is good for them to be financial independence. But in my opinion, I think that older
people
 should not remain
employ
Wrong verb form
employed
show examples
 at
work
. Old
people
 who still continue to
work
 can earn a lot of money on
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 own. By doing some
job
 that
suitable
Add a missing verb
is suitable
show examples
 for them, they will not have to rely on anybody.
Correct your spelling
For example
Forexample
Correct your spelling
For example
, my grandma, who is 64 years old, still sell some type of wood furniture to earn her living. Her
job
 was still great
since
Change preposition
apply
show examples
now and her plan was to keep on working for 5 or 10 more years.
This
 may explain how good to give
an old adults
Correct the article-noun agreement
old adults
an old adult
show examples
 at
work
although
 it
my
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 not good for them.
Correct your spelling
However
Howerver
Correct your spelling
However
, allow old
people
 to
work
 mean that it
my
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 increase the unemployment rate
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 young
people
. A survey
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 that more
people
 over 60 tears old still remain at
work
. They tend to refuse to retire and that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the younger
people
 feel harder to find a
job
 than before.
This
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 a lot on the
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 of the economy in each country. In conclusion, even though having a
job
 when turning older could help old
people
 on their
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
 but it
my
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 make young
people
 find it
hart
Correct your spelling
hard
show examples
 to get a
job
. That
why
Add a missing verb
is why
show examples
 I believe the government must only
made
Change the verb form
make
be made
show examples
 the elderly
work
 at a certain age.
Submitted by thaothanh1323 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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