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Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views ?

#people #guarantee #job #course #university #education #work #school #gain #world
In modern society,
people
 have flexible choices in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 life. Some
people
 think that completing
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 education is a shortcut to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 a good job. Other
people
 see that
work
 experience is a key point for
people
 to develop their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. I partly agree that
work
 experience is more important than that and give my own explanation.
First
 of all, in Asian countries, completing
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 education before
people
 start their
career
 is a common culture. Most adults believe a
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
 education degree is the only method to get a better job.
Thus
, they force their children to choose a major
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 their parents like.
As a result
, young
people
 do not have opportunities to explore their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 fields.Young
people
 regret choosing the
work
 in the industry
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 their parents pick for them. In the end,some young
people
 need to take extra time
restarting
Change the verb form
to restart
show examples
 their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 or go back to
university
 again. in western countries,
On the other hand
, schools encourage young
people
 to have a
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
 job or have a gap year before they enter
university
. Young
people
 learn about
work
 and develop their interests through real
work
 experience. Some young
people
 would go to other countries for a working holiday. It is a good chance to broaden their horizons to learn to become independent and face different challenges. Compared to Asian young
people
, they are more clear about their purpose in their
career
. In conclusion, in some cases, some Western young
people
 waste their gap year
to look
Change the verb form
looking
show examples
 for their aim.
However
, some Asian
people
 get successful careers at a young age because they spend much time on their studies. A better way is for
people
 to understand their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 and responsibility for their choice.
Submitted by m064611 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • critical thinking skills
  • specialized expertise
  • on-the-job training
  • work experience
  • financial independence
  • career growth
  • hands-on experience
  • balanced perspective
  • internships
  • part-time work
  • academic learning
  • vocational training
  • apprenticeships
  • personal circumstances
  • financial constraints
  • career goals
  • individual aptitudes
  • well-paying careers
  • satisfying careers
  • specialized training
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