IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Both men and woman care more about their appearance today than they did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Thanks to modern technology, the world has changed dynamically over the
last
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 20 years. Some people
are arguing
Wrong verb form
argue
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, that both males and females
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 more aware of modern trends regarding their looks and trying to follow them more than ever. I totally agree with that statement and, in
this
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 essay, I will support my opinion with relevant examples.
To begin
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 with, individuals always have the tendency to be impressed by the surrounding society. Throughout history, people tried to highlight their individuality based on the region
where
Rephrase
apply
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they inhabited,
as a result
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, cultural diversities have appeared.
For example
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, in past, women from Muslim countries had to cover their whole body black burka based on their religious identity.
However
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, starting from the middle of eighteen-century European forces started to colonize some Eastern countries and brought their own cultural notes to these areas. Afterwards, females became more ambiguous about their appearance and started slightly changing their preferences.
On the other hand
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, despite the fact,
human
Correct word choice
that human
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 beings have always been affected by each other in terms of fashion, the alert look has changed over the
last
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 two decades speedily. From my observation, the reason for
that is
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 definitely the easy access to the virtual world via advanced devices. If in the past particular communities had been changed based on local trends, in present days, men and women are more selective about how to wear and make-up in accordance with their budget.
That is
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 why, the alerts in fashion are more sensible, rather than before, for both males and females.
To sum up
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, mankind
was
Verb problem
has
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 always curious about what they look like and how to express their unique personality
by
Change preposition
through
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 their appearance. As far as cultures
interacting
Wrong verb form
interact
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 and technology
growing
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
, the care about look will be always notable more than before.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction should clearly state the writer's position on the topic and outline the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the writer's position.
task achievement
Provide specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media platforms
  • beauty and personal care industry
  • societal norms
  • health and fitness
  • celebrity culture
  • technology advancements
  • cosmetic surgery
  • dermatology treatments
  • mental health awareness
  • self-esteem
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