IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Both men and woman care more about their appearance today than they did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#men #woman #care #appearance
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Thanks to modern technology, the world has changed dynamically over the
last
Linking Words
 20 years. Some people
are arguing
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
, that both males and females
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 more aware of modern trends regarding their looks and trying to follow them more than ever. I totally agree with that statement and, in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will support my opinion with relevant examples.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, individuals always have the tendency to be impressed by the surrounding society. Throughout history, people tried to highlight their individuality based on the region
where
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they inhabited,
as a result
Linking Words
, cultural diversities have appeared.
For example
Linking Words
, in past, women from Muslim countries had to cover their whole body black burka based on their religious identity.
However
Linking Words
, starting from the middle of eighteen-century European forces started to colonize some Eastern countries and brought their own cultural notes to these areas. Afterwards, females became more ambiguous about their appearance and started slightly changing their preferences.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite the fact,
human
Correct word choice
that human
show examples
 beings have always been affected by each other in terms of fashion, the alert look has changed over the
last
Linking Words
 two decades speedily. From my observation, the reason for
that is
Linking Words
 definitely the easy access to the virtual world via advanced devices. If in the past particular communities had been changed based on local trends, in present days, men and women are more selective about how to wear and make-up in accordance with their budget.
That is
Linking Words
 why, the alerts in fashion are more sensible, rather than before, for both males and females.
To sum up
Linking Words
, mankind
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
 always curious about what they look like and how to express their unique personality
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 their appearance. As far as cultures
interacting
Wrong verb form
interact
show examples
 and technology
growing
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
, the care about look will be always notable more than before.
Submitted by khadija.agazade on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction should clearly state the writer's position on the topic and outline the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the writer's position.
task achievement
Provide specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media platforms
  • beauty and personal care industry
  • societal norms
  • health and fitness
  • celebrity culture
  • technology advancements
  • cosmetic surgery
  • dermatology treatments
  • mental health awareness
  • self-esteem
What to do next:
Look at other essays: