IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people are afraid to go out for fear of being robbed on the streets. Still, there are robberies that happen inside houses. What do you think is the best thing a person can do to ensure his/her own security? Use specific reasons and examples to suppor

#people #fear #streets #robberies #houses #person #security #suppor
Nowadays,
robbery
 cases have been rising recently in numerous countries. A section of society holds a belief that they cannot secure their safety when going out due to a
robbery
 factor,
however
,house
robbery
 cases still do not witness any decrease.
This
 essay will highlight the modus operandi that can be utilized in curbing
this
 major alarming problem. To commence with, a copious of folks reckon that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile phones must be switched on every single time. Seeing in believing, people will no longer
to
Add a missing verb
have to
show examples
 worry about their safety as
this
 kind of screen-based technology will allow the polices to track their locations when
victim
Add an article
the victim
show examples
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
 danger.
Recent
Change preposition
In recent
show examples
 news by "BBC", a girl was saved from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 rapist due to their mobile
phone
's location which was detected by the polices in the United States.
On the other hand
, the victims can use their phones to make a call or
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
text to inform their current situations. Undoubtedly, the polices can directly go to the scene where the victims are located, as well as they are more prepared if worse scenarios
Correct your spelling
occurred
occured
Correct your spelling
occur
.
For instance
, psychology test has been run on
Change noun form
people's
show examples
people'
Correct your spelling
people's
show examples
 brain when they are in
dangerous
Replace the word
danger
show examples
 and
suprsingly
Correct your spelling
surprisingly
, about 90% of
brain
Add an article
the brain
show examples
 will act by default to make
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
decision-making on the spot.
Therefore
, it is undeniable that
phone
calling
Change the form of the verb
call
show examples
 will be
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
huge assistance in
mitigate
Change the verb form
mitigating
show examples
 the
reppercusion
Correct your spelling
repercussion
repercussions
. In conclusion,
although
 the
robbery
 crime rates keep on growing from time to time,
digital
Add an article
the digital
show examples
phone
 has
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own benefits of avering
this
 kind of
cases
Fix the agreement mistake
case
show examples
 from happening. I suppose that mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 must be brought anywhere when they decide to go out.
Submitted by hadamajwad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: